


zelos - Arc I

by Myka



Series: zelos [1]
Category: Weiß Kreuz
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-04-13
Updated: 2003-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:19:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 24,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myka/pseuds/Myka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a chance encounter, something in Schuldig captures Yohji’s attention. Things get complicated, feelings bloom, and Yohji discovers that falling in love was the easy part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. park

_It was supposed to be mindless fun… Just a way to not be bored on a Saturday night. So how come it ends like this?_

_It never should've begun in the first place._

It was raining that night; the rain was a comfort, a solace. It somehow managed to ease the burning ache in my heart. Because how could a mission so simple end so wrong? The park was desolate, it was pouring at two in the morning after all. The others had chosen to head home; I couldn't, not right now. Now I just needed to breathe the fresh air and feel the cold rain running down my face. I just needed the quiet.

That's when I saw him, out of the corner of my eye. A flash of fiery orange hair just as soaked as mine, he walked with a rushed pace and held something in his arms. A silent rage filled me along with the recognition. He didn't see me.

"Stop!" I ordered him as I reached for my wire. He did; I knew he'd recognized my voice. He started to turn. "Drop it," I said, hands on my watch, gesturing at whatever he had in his. He paused in mid-turn, only his profile visible.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea," he said calmly, his voice like a whisper along with a hint of an accent that showed he wasn't speaking his native tongue. He started to crouch down, holding the bundle close. "I said don't move!" I yelled at him.

"I'm putting it on the ground, if that's alright with you," he said it like a question in the same calm tone. None of his body language set off a warning. I kept my mouth shut and he took it as a 'yes.' He placed the bundle gently on the ground and it started crying the second he did so.

"What?"

He turned around and I had my first glimpse of his sapphire eyes. They were serene and covered with fiery orange wet locks. They were different eyes; they didn't hold the malice and greed I had seen just a few hours ago. "Are you satisfied now?"

His voice was different too…more civil, relaxed. It was hard for me to comprehend that this was the same person. I unconsciously let go of my weapon, letting my arms drop to my sides. He took this as an answer too, and turned his back on me again as he picked up the screaming child. He returned to his rushed pace, getting farther away from me.

I followed him.

I waited outside the hospital doors, leaning against a wall as I kept myself away from the cold rain. I hid my hands inside my pockets, trying unsuccessfully to keep them warm. I didn't have to wait very long. The Schwarz assassin walked out the emergency room empty handed. He glanced at me without any sort of puzzlement on his face; if he wasn't expecting me there his face surely didn't show it. He slowly took a pack of cigarettes out of one of his pockets. He opened it and instantly offered one to me without saying a single word. I took the offering, wondering how he had managed to keep them dry inside a soaked coat. I lit the cigarette in my mouth then did the same for him. We locked eyes for a second.

"You looked depressed, Balinese," he said in a tone still alien to me. "Rough night?"

That was an understatement. I glared at him, not needing to say anything. He nodded his head slightly "Yeah…me too," he added.

I had to ask him. "Why did you do that?" He looked at me now with what I could only recognize as amusement on his face; he laughed. Not the cold laugh I was used too, but something else.

"It really is hard for you to believe that I'm not a heartless bastard," he said with the last indicating tones of laughter in his voice.

"Yes," I answered him quickly, going for blunt honesty when I couldn't think of anything else.

"That wasn't a question," he corrected, as he took a deep mouthful of nicotine into his lungs and breathed it out in a silent sigh. I had almost forgotten during this unusual conversation that the Schwarz redhead was a telepath. Almost…

"You would know, wouldn't you, Mastermind?" He instantly glared at me, and rushed at me unexpectedly. He slammed both hands on the wall on the opposite sides of my head, trapping me in.

"Don't call me that!" he spat at my face. "I hate that name," he hissed.

And just like that, for the first time since I've 'known' him, I saw something real in his eyes…frustration.

The most recurring thing about him I had noticed, about all of Schwarz, was that in each and every encounter we had with them, they always wore the same masks.

We were drawing unwanted attention to ourselves; I needed to calm him down any way possible before someone called security. So I apologized.

"I'm sorry, Schuldig."

Because of all the things I could've done, I knew that was the last one he expected.

I got the reaction I wanted; I confused him. He backed down, inhaling more nicotine in the process, and then looked away. "I have to leave," he said sullenly. "I shouldn't be doing this," he added, more to himself than to me. He looked at me with a hint of the smirk that I've grown to recognize. "Not bad Balinese, it was…different." And with that he was gone, out into the rain. Leaving me alone with a half smoked cigarette that wasn't even my brand.


	2. pharmacy

I never reported the encounter to Kritiker. There was no need to; it had been nothing but pointless chit-chat after all. The only problem was that I couldn't get it out of my head.

It took Kritiker almost two weeks to send us on another mission after the previous disaster. He was there; they were all there. Oracle with his confident presence, Prodigy with his serenity, Beserker with, well you know, that guy has a few bolts loose in his head. And him…him with that smirk again and high nasal tone.

They ran in different directions and the chase began. The same old game of cat and mouse. I just wish I knew which was which.

We ended up in an empty room, we fought…his attitude was the one I'm familiar with. There was a broken window at the end of the room; he wanted to leave. It was like the night before had never happened, like he had never saved that child and gave it a future. My wires went for his neck like they were meant to, the same way he was meant to avoid them. But his movements were slower than usual and the cables wrapped around his wrist and yanked him out of synchronization. He glared at me with murder in his eyes and defied my hold on him as he pulled desperately, trying to break free. What the hell is he doing?

Blood accumulated on his wrist and started dripping to the floor, but he just kept pulling harder and harder. I just couldn't take the sight of it anymore.

"Stop it! Or you'll snap your hand off!" I yelled at him. He stopped struggling but still pulled at the wire, holding it as tense as possible, still invoking the blood flow. His emerald eyes showed the anxiety his voice wouldn't. "Let-go-of-me"

I hesitated for a second, loosening my hold on him, and that's all he needed. He broke free and jumped out the window without a second glance back.

This was not supposed to happen! I'm a highly trained assassin…and I had just let my prey go.

What the hell's wrong with me?

I needed to go out that night. I wanted to hold someone and be held just the same. I needed to forget everything, even if it was just for the night.

 _Leather…check. Boots…check. Hair…check. Protection…protection…crap!_ I needed to stop at a pharmacy first.

I gave fair warning to everyone to not wake me up tomorrow, and left through the back door. The place I usually went to was still under construction, so I ended up stopping somewhere else. I quickly found what I was looking for and headed for the register.

"What the hell do you mean you don't have change?"

_It can't be…there's just no way…_

_Shit!_

How I hate being wrong.

"I know sir, but my manager has the key and she's out on a break. It's just a quarter sir."

"Yeah, and it's my quarter."

This was very amusing.

"Look, I pay for the aspirin, then you give me my change. It's not that hard is it?"

If I had been the cashier I would have given him the quarter a long time ago. But the cashier didn't know that his customer was an assassin. Suddenly the discussion stopped and the kid looked distressed. The kid also didn't know that his customer was a telepath. I grabbed Schuldig's arm and got his full attention. He looked puzzled.

"You've got to be kidding."

Nice to know he's as surprised as me. I smirked back at him and he frowned. I placed the pack on top of the counter and dug into my pockets for some change. I snatched a quarter and offered it to him. His frown deepened as he released the kid from whatever mental hold he had over him; the employee seemed to catch up with his surroundings and instantly proceeded to cash in my item. Schuldig took one look at the condoms and rolled his eyes in a 'give me a break' manner as he started to leave, leaving me there with my hand extended out to him. He stopped before I could put the quarter away and turned back in a rush, snatching it from my hand and leaving the store. I blinked, then paid and headed out myself.

I caught up with him as he opened the bottle of aspirin and swallowed two pills. That's when I noticed the bandage on his arm; it probably hurt like hell too. But I was not apologizing. There's no such thing as mercy for the wicked.

"And who made me the wicked?"

The remark caught me by surprise. _Memo to self: Never, ever forget again that he is a telepath._

_Maybe it's his doing, yeah, that must be it, he's making me forget._

"I'm not making you do anything, Kudoh. You keep forgetting all by your lonesome self."

The bastard. It was payback time.

"I'm not the one taking pain medicine on a street corner because his teammates apparently don't give a crap about a pretty serious wound."

He scowled at me. "Yeah, and whose fault would that be?"

I scowled back. "If you hadn't struggled like a moron!"

He blinked, a blank unreadable stare taking over his features. Then he laughed. An obnoxious, annoying and very contagious laugh. Don't laugh…whatever you do, just don't laugh along with him.

"Are you done?" I asked him, slightly irritated as I successfully kept myself from laughing. I waited until he finally calmed down. Then he smiled, not a grin, not a smirk, just your mild normal smile…creepy.

"Are you going out tonight?" he asked me as he placed the small bottle of aspirin inside one of his pockets.

I actually glanced at myself. "Is it that obvious?" I asked. Now it was his turn to stare. I don't believe this; he's checking me out! "Oh yeah," he answered smoothly.

I've had enough. "Forget it," I said, starting to leave. I went past him and he grabbed my shoulder. Memo to self number two: Never, ever drop your guard near an enemy. I turned fast, ready for anything. He let go of me.

"Can I come?"

I hadn't expected that. Now what could I have said to that? I took a deep breath.

"Why not," I answered. "But I warn you, you might have a hangover tomorrow." He smirked now with confidence. "Lead the way."

I did.


	3. rooftop

So far we had been to a pub, three bars and two dance clubs. Now we were walking down the street. We just couldn't seem to stay on one place. Okay, I just couldn't seem to stay in one place. There was just something very uncomfortable about it all. Maybe it was because we were supposed to be trying to kill each other. Maybe it was because I wouldn't hear the end of it if someone from Kritiker saw us. Maybe it was because we were attracting too much attention.

It was like watching myself trying to get laid. I don't know what was worse, that he was ruining all my advances or that I was paying too much attention to his. I kept leaving the establishment whenever he got too close of getting a partner for the night; definitely not my business. The only problem was he kept following me out. I had only had a few drinks, but I could honestly say that Schuldig was mildly drunk as he hummed some weird tune down the street. Things just couldn't have gotten any weirder.

_Splash!_

Wrong again.

 _That's it! The redhead attracts bad luck._ My hair was soaked, my clothes were soaked, someone had to pay. I turned my head slowly to look at Schuldig as small droplets of water ran down my face. Well, at least he got hit too. Kids laughed from a rooftop three floors up from where we were standing. We both looked up.

"Little pricks," the German murmured under his breath, then he screamed, pointing at the juveniles. "Wait 'til I get up there, you little bastards! I'm gonna kill you!" With that he started running towards the alley, heading straight for the fire ladder.

Not good.

I ran after him. "Schuldig!" I turned in towards the alley to find him already halfway up. Damn! He's fast. I rushed up the shaky ladders. If he hurts those kids I'll have to…I'll have to…please, please, please just let them be safe. I reached the rooftop, heart in my throat. It was empty…

"Open up, you little bastards, or I swear I…"

I saw Schuldig fighting with a locked door. Smart kids. He really was drunk; I could clearly see that the door only opened from the inside. "Schuldig, stop it!" I screamed at him. "You'll only end up making someone call the police." He huffed, finally leaving the door alone. He turned toward me. "Didn't you say that someone had to pay?"

I realized that I was going to have to start paying more close attention to what I said and thought near the telepath.

"C'mon Schuldig, I'm begging you, don't do it."

"Why not?" he pouted.

"Do you even want me to start on why not?" I said incredulously.

He pouted even more "You're no fun." He unclasped his hand and let one of the left over water-balloons fall to the street. I immediately reached out for it, trying to catch it. I wasn't fast enough. The balloon exploded inches from its intended target, successfully wetting his feet. The businessman looked up and saw me; he mouthed something that I couldn't hear and walked off. I heard laughter beside me, the mocking type.

"He thinks you threw it," Schuldig laughed. He sat on the floor, resting his back against the ledge and laughing his ass off. Oh, the effects of alcohol. I stood, towering over him.

"Well, as much fun and weird as this evening has been. I think I'm calling it a night. Do you think you can find your way home?" I blinked the second I spoke the words. Why would I care if he got home safely or not?

He followed my word and leaned over the ledge maybe a little too much. "Sure," he mumbled, leaning dangerously far. "It's three blocks down that way, in a shabby apartment because those Esset bastards don't really give a crap about us as long as they own us. Where Farfarello is probably talking to himself, Nagi must be sleeping and pain-in-the-ass Crawford must be cracking his head on why the hell I am spending the night with the Balinese."

 _Does he really mean that? If Schwarz knows, it could be a problem._ He ignored me. He talked like I wasn't standing right behind him.

"I don't think they'll care…"

 _What the hell is he mumbling about?_ He stood in a flash and I took a step back in surprise. Then he stepped over the ledge and jumped out.

"Hey!" I reached out for him, knowing that I wasn't fast enough. So I went for my watch instead. My wires latched on to something instantly and I pulled on them fiercely; he was heavy. I looked over the ledge to see my wires wrapped around his already bandaged wrist. Crap. I can do this. I know how to handle my weapon, I know how to make it cut or not. He slowly raised his head, glaring at me. I glared back, neither of us speaking. I pulled carefully until I could reach him. I grabbed his hand with mine and pulled him until I could get a better hold of him, finally pulling him over the ledge. I dropped him on the floor, kneeling by his side, releasing the wires from his wrist. There was a little blood.

"Idiot! If you want to kill yourself, do it when no one can save your sorry ass!" I was angry, very angry. He looked at me calmly, emerald eyes glistening in the dark; his eyes were so pretty. He extended his hand in a flash, grabbing my shirt, pulling me in, our faces only inches apart. He opened his mouth.

"I want to die," he whispered, closing his eyes afterwards as his head slumped back.

"Schuldig?" I asked with concern. He didn't move and something warm grazed my fingers. Blood.

 _Dammit…_ My wires had slit his wrist; he was bleeding to death. I removed the bandage and wrapped it again around the gash, stopping the bleeding the best I could under the circumstances. But he needed stitches; which meant I had to take him to a hospital. I picked him up and placed him over my left shoulder, holding him by the back of his knees.

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	4. docks

I wanted to lite a cigarette, but I couldn't. Not here at least, illegal and all. I glanced up at the clock on the wall, one thirty five in the freaking morning and Schuldig still hadn't woken up. The nurse on staff had asked too many questions when I brought him in. So I just told her I had found him like that and that I didn't know who he was. Just a practical lie that saved me a heap of trouble and even more annoying questions, and even if she didn't seem too convinced she left me alone.

I sat still, quiet and bored the hell out of my mind. The emergency room was empty and very, very sad. Pasty white walls along with aqua chairs didn't do much for the decoration; people could get depressed just by sitting here. Two vending machines hummed in the distance, accompanied by the low rumble of the television set. I had ordered the nurse to warn me when Schuldig woke up. To wait by his side just seemed to reach the limit of weirdness for me for the night.

Sometimes I asked myself what I was doing here. But I could never come up with a satisfactory answer. It was all very confusing. I'm just not supposed to care about what happens to an enemy. Because that's what he is. He would never be anything more, and yet there I was waiting for him to regain consciousness.

The question now was when did I stop seeing him as just my enemy.

_"I want to die."_

Yeah…I think that was it.

I closed my eyes and the memory flared in my mind. I had gotten caught by his eyes, but that didn't bother me. What bothered me was that when he pulled me in, I didn't resist.

I placed my hands on both sides of my head; I was getting a headache.

I heard the automatic doors open and instantly looked up to see who would be walking in so late. Finally, something different to do other than just sitting here. Then the Oracle walked in.

_Oh fuck…_

I reflexively buried myself in the chair I was sitting in, resisting the urge to duck under it. I really didn't want him to see me, to the point when I didn't notice when I started to hold my breath, as if doing so would make me disappear. But he never looked my way. He just kept walking straight forward, ignoring even the nurse at her station. It seemed lady luck had not completely abandoned me for the night.

This was my cue to leave. I would have only make trouble for Schuldig and myself if I had stuck around. I stand and walk outside, breathing the cold night air as a small feeling of emptiness started to consume me.

I closed the door behind me since I was the last one in. Aya had gone up to sleep without saying a word or even replying to Ken's offer for some tea. Omi and I accepted. Ken headed towards the kitchen. I followed him, sitting on the table and taking off my sunglasses. The mission had been simple and the target had been eliminated with ease, an Esset officer posing as a Kritiker wannabe and leaking all sorts of information. Kritiker had told us to watch out for Schwarz; but there had been no Schwarz. No Schuldig.

"Are you alright, Yohji?" I blinked and looked up to see Omi seated opposite me with concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," I answered him as Ken prepared a pot of coffee "…just tired."

"No," Omi replied, with a little seriousness to his voice. "You don't look tired, you look like you're worried about something."

I glanced at the teenager, trying to keep the surprise out of my face and eyes. Then I smiled proudly . _You're good, chibi. Very perceptive._

The truth was I was worried, had been for the entire past week since I left Schuldig at the hospital at the mercy of his leader. At first, I had tried to deny it, but after a while I came to terms with it and just accepted it. I was worried to the point that my teammates had noticed.

"I've noticed too," Ken added. "As a matter of fact, you've looked worried for a few days now."

Apparently I was very obvious.

"I'm fine guys," I said in my most normal voice. "It's nothing you should worry about."

Omi pouted a little, making that face that takes about three years off of his age. "If you say so…"

They trusted me, just like I trusted them.

"Well, at least whatever it is isn't bothering you in the missions," Ken said as he handed me a cup of tea. "You looked pretty eager today."

True. I had hoped to find out what had happened to Schuldig. But I couldn't actually say that to Ken and Omi.

So instead I lied. "I was just glad to get out of the house for a change." I took a sip of the tea hoping the discussion would end there.

"Yeah, things have been slow at the shop lately," Ken muttered, finishing the last of his drink. "I'm going to bed," he announced calmly. "I have the morning shift tomorrow."

"Good night, Ken," Omi said still sitting down at the table, sipping the last of his tea from the mug.

"Night," I added.

Omi stood too, walking towards the sink and placing his empty cup inside. "I think I'm calling it a night too," he said. He stopped at the door and turned around to face me again. "When you're ready to tell us what's worrying you, you will. Won't you, Yohji?" he asked. I blinked and kept my eyes calm, my hands still, then met his eyes and nodded slowly. He nodded back, accepting my unspoken answer and left for his room without another word.

A month went by and Schwarz was still a no-show since the rooftop incident. I still believed it was because of the suicidal telepath.

That night we had another mission, but I wasn't as eager about it as I was a few weeks ago. Kritiker had noticed Schwarz's recent disappearance from missions involving Esset. They seemed glad. That night we were searching for one of Esset's small operation centers somewhere around the Tokyo docks. Aya decided it would be best if we separated, covering more ground in less time, always keeping radio contact. I walked down the wooden platform of one of the docks; making he wood creak with every step; waves resonating nearby.

"Found anything yet?" I heard Aya's voice through the small microphone in my ear.

"Nothing. This place is deserted," I answered.

I had been walking for the past half an hour with no sign of life around, I wasn't even checking around corners anymore. The mission was going nowhere. Still… an assassin should never forget to be cautious. I shouldn't have stopped looking around the corners.

Hands wrapped around me, pinning my hands to my body and dragging me into the dark so suddenly that I couldn't help but yelp in surprise. I couldn't see shit, just a few inches in front of me as I was turned around and my back crashed against a wall. I knew my captor was male when his body pressed against mine. One of his hands traveled to my wrist, removing my watch and throwing it aside.

Omi spoke in my ear, "Balinese are you alright?"

I was about to scream when a hand covered my mouth as another yanked the small communication device out of my ear. My attacker came closer, finally revealing himself to me.

"Good evening, gorgeous."

_Schuldig…_


	5. dark

I felt relieved. I couldn't help it. It was the first emotion that consumed me, even when I was unarmed, with no way to call for help and at the mercy of another assassin.

Schuldig smirked. "I trust you won't scream if I uncover your mouth, right?"

He could read my mind. He knew I wouldn't.

He released my mouth and grabbed my remaining free wrist with that hand. He pressed his body harder against mine, keeping my back to the wall to the limit.

"Could you get off me?" I asked.

His smirked widened. "Why?" he asked back, "don't you like this?" he added, softly moving his fingers up and down my hand.

I needed some leverage here. I did _not_ want to be at his mercy.

"Did you just call me gorgeous?" I suddenly asked.

It worked. His body shifted at the comment and it gave me the chance to push him off me. He stumbled backwards into the dark and I quickly went for my watch, trying to visualize where it could have possibly fallen, wishing I had some night vision goggles. I stepped forward and something cracked under my feet. _Shit…_ I reached downward to find the shattered pieces of my headset. _Why me?_ Now I couldn't even ask for help if I needed it.

I heard movement beside me and Schuldig slammed against me. Making my body hit the floor with force, air leaving my lungs as I gasped.

"Let _go_ of me!" I screamed, trying to fight him off. Maybe if I screamed loud enough someone would hear me.

Schuldig's hand tried to cover up my mouth again and I instantly bit at it. What the hell was he thinking?

"Shut up, Kudoh!" he yelled back. "I just want to talk."

I froze, letting my eyes get used to the dark until I could finally see his silhouette. "Then get off me." I said calmly. He complied, moving aside, and I finally sat up. "If you just wanted to talk you didn't have to be so…aggressive," I said trying to sound pissed.

He chuckled. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

I glared at him, even though I knew he couldn't see me well. "How can you see in this dark?" I asked, and I heard him chuckle again. "Who says I can," he replied.

This was getting us nowhere.

"Mind if we find some light then?" I asked back.

"Can't," he replied. "I'm being kept under surveillance."

I gave up. "Fine. What do you want to talk about then?"

"Not here," he answered. I felt his hand on mine as he slipped me a piece of paper. "I'll be there all night," he said. I passed the small piece of paper between my fingers, not knowing what to think. I heard him stand, then I heard him swipe the dirt off his clothes. "Later, Balinese," he said as he started walking away. He went past the crates and into the light; the bandage on his wrist was gone.

_Wait…_

I stood up in a flash, following after him, feeling no control whatsoever over what I was doing. I wasn't even thinking. I caught up to him while still under the light; and grabbed his left wrist, forcing him to turn around as I took a good look at where his wound was. A small scar, barely visible, decorated his wrist. He twisted his arm, getting free of my hold and punching the side of my face with his left fist. I fell back, flat on my ass, still trying to process what had just happened. He should've sensed that I was coming, heard what I was planning to do. So why did he react like that?

He hissed in my head. _"Not in the light!"_

I touched the side of my face where he had hit me and I already knew it was going to bruise.

_"See you later."_

And then he was gone, back into the dark. I scrambled to my feet and went back to find my watch as I placed the small piece of paper inside one of my pockets.

_Psycho…_

_"I heard that"_

_Good._

"What happened to your headset, Yohji?" Omi asked after meeting up with him ten minutes later.

Why lie? "I stepped on it."

Omi blinked at me. "You what?"

"It was an accident," I replied.

"Yohji!" Omi exclaimed, "Do you know how much those things cost?"

"Tell me about it, chibi," I answered him. I was grateful that that was the only thing I was being asked about. Schuldig's punch wasn't visible yet.

I changed the subject. "Anybody had luck with the target?" I asked. Omi nodded. "Aya and Ken already took care of it. We are supposed to meet at the harbor entrance." I nodded back, hearing some noise coming from Omi's direction. He placed his hand on top on his ear "Can you repeat that, Siberian? I didn't catch it the first time." Some more noise came from the small device and Omi suddenly went pale.

"What is it, Omi?" I asked quickly.

He only said one word. "Schwarz."

Omi and I ran toward the harbor entrance where Ken and Aya were fighting with the other assassins. Memo to self number three…never, ever assume that if Schuldig is gone, Schwarz is gone. Omi and I finally got there after what seemed like forever, and what we found was not good. Aya held his katana, ready to slash out at anything that moved. But the object of his rage stood just a few feet away from him…Brad Crawford. the Oracle…who held Ken in his arms with a gun pressed against his temple.

_Shit…_

I gave a quick glance around to see how bad the situation really was. The rest of Schwarz stood a few feet behind Crawford; just like he stood just a few feet away from Aya. Beserker was tasting one of his knifes as usual, while Prodigy just plain stood there. Schuldig was the farthest away, resting his back against a wall, it looked liked he wasn't paying attention to any of it.

Omi yelled.

"Ken!"

Everyone except Aya turned to look at us. I went for my watch, ready. Crawford's eyes morphed when he saw me, widening, and slightly filling with some strong emotion directed only at me. Then he did something no one expected. He pointed his gun at me.

And fired.

_"Move, Kudoh!"_

My legs suddenly moved me to the right the second the words were spoken inside my head. I felt the sharp sting as the bullet grazed my left shoulder, making me loose my balance. That bullet had been heading straight for my heart; if I hadn't dodged it, I would be dead. The only problem was I wasn't the one that made me move.

I heard Omi screaming my name as I fell to the ground. He bowed down to help me as I kept looking forward, trying to keep my attention at my shooter. I saw Ken taking the opportunity to wriggle himself free of the Oracle's hold as Aya launched forward with his katana; but Aya froze midway and was suddenly sent flying back by Prodigy. Ken elbowed Crawford in the stomach and jumped out of his reach. The Schwarz leader shifted the direction of his gun from me to Ken again, but the weapon was sent flying out of his grasp before he could pull the trigger. Omi stood beside me with his dart gun pointed at his target. Crawford glared at Omi, and then he turned around and walked away.

Schwarz retreated. We let them go.

"Yohji got shot!" Omi suddenly yelled to the others. "We have to take him to a hospital!"

I grunted. "I'm fine, Omi," I told him. "The bullet just grazed me."

"Are you sure?" he asked with concern. I put on my best pain-free smile for him.

"I'm sure."

Omi didn't respond to my words, but I could feel the uneasiness leave his body as he proceeded to help me stand up. My right hand went straight to cover the wound once I was standing on my own two feet. Ken and Aya finally caught up to us.

I tried hard not to wince at the pain, and suddenly I felt very tired. "Can we go home now?" I asked in a tired voice. "I would like to bandage my shoulder at some point tonight," I added a little sarcastically. Aya glared, Omi smiled and Ken even let out a laugh. Finally, we were on our way home.

The wound wasn't bad. It just hurt like hell.

I took a shower, bandaged the wound, swallowed some painkillers and got dressed. At first I had thought about not going. Because what would be the point of going? All I had wanted to know was if he was all right after the incident, and he _was_. I should just leave it at that and cut off all ties. That's what I should do…

But that was before Crawford took a shot at me.

I put on a black jacket that successfully hid the bandage.

I was going out.


	6. table

It was after midnight.

Aya had given a brawl over me going out and I honestly didn't care. He might act like the leader, but I was still the oldest. I was going out whether he approved or not.

This was my decision. I can take care of myself.

I found the pub easily. It was a little far from the places I usually go. So it was a good guess that Schuldig had never been here before either. The place was, well…nice. A soft scent of nicotine tainted the air, the bar stood right across from me, where a small television set was showing a sports game. Complete with few pool tables on the left and the serving tables on the right. I glanced around the place; it was a weeknight so it was pretty empty. I searched for the redhead but didn't spot him. I went through the tables one by one and finally found him in the last one; head down between his arms and snoring like a baby. An empty shot glass laid beside him. The first thing I noticed was that he wasn't wearing that bandana of his; which caused his hair to sprawl all over his face; and that his clothes were similar to mine. I sat down wondering if I should wake him up; he looked cute when he wasn't trying to kill me.

"Would you like something to drink?" I looked up to see the waitress smiling at me. I was caught staring wasn't I…

I smiled back, keeping my voice low. "I'll have whatever he had" she nodded and left to get the drink. I looked back at Schuldig and though of my options. I could wake him up and face the music, or I could wait for him to get up; but that probably wasn't a good idea unless I wanted to stay up all night. I could also let him sleep and leave, he would never even know I was here, we would go back to the way things were supposed to be, we hating each other…I sighed…for some reason that idea didn't appalled to me.

"Here's your drink" the waitress said "anything else?"

I blinked. "As a matter of fact yes" I said, still keeping my voice low. "How long has he been here?" I asked.

She smiled again. "Almost two hours" she answered "he told me he was waiting for someone, but that he didn't know if that person was coming or not" her smile broaden "I'm happy for him that you showed up." I smiled back as she left.

Well I'm glad someone's happy, because I'm wondering if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life.

"Schuldig" I poke him on the shoulder "Schuldig"

He moved "Leave me alone Brad, I have a hangover."

Ookay… It took a lot of me not to laugh, but I did chuckle. I could tell that this was his usual excuse for not getting up in the morning. I should know; it was sort of mine too. I raised my voice a little as I grabbed his shoulder shaking him "Wake up Schuldig!"

His eyes snapped open, but he didn't move, he kept his head comfortable between his arms. I sat back against the chair and crossed my arms as I waited for him to sit up. He looked up at me.

_"Crap"_

I blinked. He'd said that, but he hadn't spoken the words. What the hell did mean by 'crap', he's the one that asked me to come here in the first place.

"What the hell do you mean by 'crap'?" I asked bitterly.

It was his turn to blink. "You heard that?" he asked a little bewildered. I nodded and he put his hands on his head " I must be tired, I didn't mean to project."

"Project what?" I asked.

He looked at me like the answer was obvious. "My thoughts stupid!"

I instantly glared at him, taking a sip of my drink. I stood up.

"Where are you going?" Schuldig asked.

"I didn't come here, to what easily could be consider as betrayal, to be called stupid." I said angrily. The telepath only slumped against his chair. "Your so serious Kudoh, what are you twenty five going on fifty?"

I sat back down. "I'm twenty two" I said firmly and Schuldig eyes went wide. "Your my age?" he asked with a little shock to his voice.

I didn't believe him. "Your twenty two?" I asked. He nodded.

"Your too young to be suicidal" I wanted to take back the words the second I spoke them. But I couldn't; with six words I had killed the mood. He didn't reply to them. "Why did you jump off that building?" I finally asked. He looked away, avoiding my eyes.

"Did you change your mind before coming?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" I asked a little dumbfounded. He shifted his body, looking at me again, arms on top of the table. He asked me again "Were you always planning to come or you at first weren't coming and then changed your mind?"

He was very persistent. "You're changing the subject" I pointed out.

He looked at me with those intense emerald eyes "This is important" he said in a voice deeper than usual. I knew he meant it.

I calmed myself down before answering the question. "I changed my mind" He relaxed against the chair again. "Yokata…"

I frowned a little at the words "Why are you so happy I almost didn't come tonight?" I asked. He let out a breath. "If Crawford has a vision, your indecision will cloud the vision; at best he will only see that I was with someone and that I'll be late home tonight" he finished.

I leaned forward, grappling my half full mug of liquor between my hands, suddenly interested in the new topic "He won't see it's me?"

"That's very unlikely"

That was good to know; it's best to leave the others out of this…for now at least. Besides; we're not doing anything wrong. We are not conspiring against our respective 'families' against their backs. We are just talking, having a drink, 'hanging out'. And yet something deep inside kept screaming at me that this was all wrong; in a huge 'what the hell am I doing here' way; and that it would end very bad.

But I'm still here, drinking and talking with an enemy.

"You're thinking too much about this Kudoh"

I went out of my trance and looked at Schuldig, who now sat beside me with a tired look on his face and those emerald eyes glaring. I hadn't even noticed when he moved. He took a sip of his drink "Just forget we've been trying to kill each other for the last couple of months and just deal with it." He smirked "You're here anyway, aren't you"

I glared at him, "Stop reading my thoughts" I ordered. His smirk never dissipated and he moved closer to me, our shoulders touching. "Can't help it when you're this close" he said.

I tried to keep my anger bottled up inside, manageable. But he was really starting to annoy me, so I didn't reply to the comment because, unlike him, I couldn't read his mind. I didn't know what dirty thoughts could be floating in his head. He was baiting me and I knew it; I might not be a mind reader, but I'm not stupid. Yet I was loosing control of the conversation, and I needed it back.

"Why did your boss shoot me?" I asked with no warning, no predetermination.

His face died.

I grinned.

He let out a breath. "Do you want the short or long version?"

"I have all night" I said grinning. He let out another breath and retreated a little, our shoulders no longer touching.

"Turns out Crawford did have a vision about that night of the water balloons" he started "but all he saw was that I would end up with my wrist slashed and that he could find me in that emergency room."

"But that doesn't tell him anything"

"He thought I had sliced my own wrist" his voice never faltered, like those words explain everything. But they didn't make any sense to me.

"So?"

He turned to look at me with a little fire in his eyes, his voice a little more urgent. "Please understand Kudoh. If Crawford thinks I'm trying to kill myself, he'll tell Esset. If Esset finds out they'll send me back to Rosenkreuz so they can find out where the hell they went wrong with me, and under no circumstances I'm going back there."

I didn't know where he was going with this. "You're obviously still here; so what did you tell him?"

When he didn't answer me I knew that I wouldn't be happy when he did. "What did you tell him Schuldig?" I demanded.

He faced me. "I told Crawford you attacked me."

My jaw dropped. I couldn't believe it. "You did what?" I said, anger showing in my voice. He moved his chair away from me even more. "If I would try to kill you; just you; your teammates would be angry at me right?"

I was trying hard to keep the anger under control "Right" I bit out.

"Well so do mine. It's just that Crawford has a very extreme way of showing that particular anger."

It somehow made sense and with that recognition my anger vanished. Just like that. "So he shot at me" I made it a half question.

"Yes" he answered quickly.

"You saved me…" I added without realizing the words had left my mouth. He blinked, avoiding my gaze and taking another gulp of his drink. He didn't deny the words; but he didn't accept them either. We needed a change of subject.

"Why do you want to die?" I asked. He slammed his drink against the table with force, spilling liquid in the process. I jumped back a little. "I don't want to talk about this Kudoh. I just want you to buy me a drink and talk about shit that has nothing to do with missions or killing!"

That was direct.

I knew he was tired of the serious talk; I was too. But for some reason if he did kill himself, I knew I was going to feel guilty. Because I knew something was bothering him and I have the chance to do something about it.

"Let's make a deal" I said. "If you answer that question for me honestly, I'll make sure you don't get bored for the next month."

He looked at me seriously, "What do you mean?" he asked.

"We'll hang out." I said. He gazed at me and I couldn't read his face. Maybe he didn't understand me.

"Two months" he suddenly blurted out, raising two fingers at me. I looked back at him…and smiled. "Deal"

"I don't want to die" he finally said, voice serene, like his words were just supposed to be said and not really meant.

"Then why did you jump out of a three story building? Wanted to see if you could bounce off the sidewalk?" I knew the sarcasm was harsh and cruel, but if it would jumpstart his brain, it was worth it.

"That was just a momentary lack of judgment." He blurted. My voice was calm, "I'm not buying it."

"I want free of Esset."

That I believed. "I'm sure there are better ways than jumping out of a building. Why don't you just leave?"

"I know too much"

I took another sip of my drink. "I'm sure they don't expect you to hang around forev…"

He touched me. He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed. Maybe it was because it was late and we were both exhausted. Maybe I was just talking too much. Or maybe it was because he just couldn't think of any other way to make me understand. When he touched me, he made me see. Made me see what he meant, why he wanted out. For that moment I could feel every emotion he'd felt, experience every situation he'd lived, and I understood…because if I were in his place I would want to be free of them too.

I wanted to help him.

I shoved him away forcefully, because I just couldn't take those images and feelings anymore and he almost fell out of his chair. I held my head between my hands trying to make sense of what had just happened. "What did you do to me?" I asked still holding my head and looking down at the table.

"I made you see some of my memories."

I looked at him and he stared back. "Don't you _ever_ do that again."

"Did I answered your question honestly?" he asked a little too cheerfully.

He had. In an odd and invasive way, but still he had. "Yes."

He smirked. "Then go ahead and buy me another drink, because the next two months are gonna be long."

I locked my jade eyes with his emerald one's as he called the waitress with a confident smirk on his face. I frowned at him and his smirk widened as the first traces of a bad headache started to catch up with me.

It was indeed going to be a long night.


	7. home

It was three in the morning and we were being kicked out of the pub. The streets were desolated, not a soul in sight, the perfect time for a mugging. Poor of the mugger who decides to rob us. I wanted to go home already, I was tired, and the painkillers had worn off, so my shoulder hurt like hell. The first problem was that I drank a little too much in order to forget the pain. The second problem was that me and the redhead still had things to discuss. Schuldig and I had to design a system in which we could avoid the Oracle's visions; and it was taking a lot of time. It had been his idea by the way; because it was mainly his problem; I just had to lie to my team. The thought lingered in my mind 'lie to my team' and for that second it didn't sound bad to me; just amusing. I think I'm drunk.

"So my place or yours?" Schuldig suddenly said. I glared at him. "Neither."

"But we need to plan this. I'm not wasting a single second of the two months I have." He was drunker than I was. I doubted he was thinking what the consequences of his words could be. And still the idea didn't sound so extreme.

Along the way we found a bar that was still open. "How about here?" I asked. He nodded and we walked in; neither of us putting much forethought to it. It just seemed like a good plan at the time. We sat down and ordered a few drinks. For some reason I thought that drinking wasn't a good idea, but I just couldn't figure out why. All I knew was that my shoulder hurt and that those drinks made it go away.

I woke to the sound of very loud, very annoying endless knocking on my door. "I'm up!" I screamed, just so the noise would stop.

The doorknob clicked locked as someone tried to open the door. Funny I don't remember locking it; hell I don't remember much after we left the pub. Had I drank too much?

"You know the rules, Yohji!" It was Aya, "No locked doors after eleven a.m." and he was screaming. "Did you bring a date last night? You know you're not supposed to bring girls back here."

I sat up in my bed, swiping the covers away and putting my feet over the bed towards the floor. "I did not bring anyone here Aya! Just give me a second to unlock the door." I step on the floor and stood up. Aya could really be a pain in the ass sometimes; all this homey rules we had to live by. I knew better than to bring people over; rule number one in Fujimiya's rulebook. I knew better than to reveal our base of operations and sleeping quarters to strangers.

I gave two firm steps forward, before my feet found something in their path. I fell face first towards the floor, placing my hands up against my chest instinctively to break my fall. There was a loud thud followed by me cursing and Aya asking what the hell the noise was. I didn't answer him, because at that second no words were capable of coming out of my mouth.

Schuldig was on my floor, by my bed, sleeping. My feet over his stomach where I had stumbled. Oh, shit.

My eyes went wide…there goes rule number one. I heard knocking again, harder this time. "What the hell's going on in there, Yohji? You have thirty seconds to open the door or I'm breaking in!"

Big, Oh, shit.

I rushed to my feet not really knowing what I was going to do. So I did what first came to mind. I grabbed Schuldig by the shoulders and pulled him up from the floor. He woke instantly, but by the look on his face I knew he was still trying to figure out where the hell he was and what the hell was going on as I dragged him across the room and pushed him inside the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I didn't have time to think of anything else as I went and opened the door for Aya.

Aya glared at me with murder in his eyes. To say he was angry was an understatement. "Why was your door locked Yohji?" he asked dryly. I shrugged, looking as natural as I possibly could at the moment. "I must have locked it by accident last night." He glared at me; of course he didn't believe me. "I need to borrow something from your bathroom" he said quickly, changing the subject.

I opened my mouth to say no, but a 'no' might make him believe that something was up. And something was up. Schuldig was hiding in my bathroom…why the hell didn't I choose the closet. "What do you need?" I asked.

"A towel" he bit out; if rocks could talk.

I bet he didn't need no damn towel, he just wanted to see if there was someone hiding in there. Just great.

I walked towards the bathroom to get the towel, if I got it for him then he didn't need to go in himself.

 _"Shower, now!"_ I screamed the thought; he had to hear me. He just had to. I opened the door wide, letting Aya see that there was nobody there. The shower curtain blocked the tub. I grabbed the nearest towel and walked back towards Aya, leaving the door still open.

"Here" I said dryly. He snatched the towel from my hands. "Your shift starts in twenty minutes." I nodded and closed the door behind him, locking it again. I probably should've left the door unlocked but I still had to get rid of a certain Schwarz member. If Aya found the door locked again he would be very suspicious, but it would be worse if someone came in and saw Schuldig. I had to risk it.

I glanced at the bathroom and saw the door closed. I frowned as I went to open it. The door was locked.

I took a deep breath and tried hard not to yell. "Schuldig open the door." I ordered. I've been awake barely five minutes and I've already pretty much broken every single rule in the household. I heard the door unlocking but it didn't open. I grabbed the doorknob and opened the door.

Schuldig stood over the sink, hands on both sides of it, his bandana must have been lost somewhere because he wasn't wearing it, which made his orange-red locks fall all over his face. He glanced at me with a serene look on his eyes. I shut the door instantly feeling the heat creep up my face; where the hell was his shirt?

The door opened behind me and I turn to look at him. "Where's your shirt?" I asked blatantly. He blinked and his eyes move up and down my body. He smirked, pointing up and down my body with one of his fingers as he spoke "…said the guy in boxer shorts."

I looked at myself. Dammit. I was to accustomed on being like this in my own place. I went for my closet and picked the first shirt I saw; quickly putting it over my shoulders. It was navy blue and matched perfectly my shorts. "Can I borrow a shirt?" I looked back at Schuldig who stood just four feet from me; he was still smirking and shirtless "Mine seems to be drenched with alcohol for some reason." I grabbed the second shirt I saw; and threw it to him.

"Why the hell are you in my apartment?" He put the shirt on; it fitted him perfectly. "I don't remember…" he said, "maybe we fooled around, who the hell knows."

My jaw dropped, and he laughed. Loudly. My first reaction wasn't anger or irritation; but that he should shut up before someone heard him. I got my hands on yet another shirt and threw it at him with enough force to guarantee that he would concentrate his attention on catching it, instead of laughing his ass off.

It worked like a charm.

"You need to leave now" I said.

"But what about the "avoiding Crawford" plan?" he asked.

"I thought we arranged this last night"

He pressed the fabric of the shirt between his fingers, a nervous gesture perhaps. "Do you remember arranging anything last night?"

I opened my mouth, then thought about it. "I don't remember." I said.

"Me neither" he replied with a grin. It was the way he said it, the look on his face that called my response "You already planned something didn't you?" I asked, sensing my impending doom. He nodded once. "Out with it." I demanded.

He told me; and it really didn't sound like a bad idea. He knew the Oracle better; how his power worked. "Fine" I said. He looked satisfied.

I went to one of my windows; the one that led to the fire escape. I opened it checking to see if the street was empty. "Leave" I ordered.

He pouted, "It sounds like your kicking me out."

A smile formed on my face, "I am."

"Where are my things?" he asked. I shrugged; why should I know? He browsed through my apartment, looking for his missing stuff. I observed him while he searched, not really feeling like helping. He looked; well normal to say the least; doing all this insignificant but common things.

"Where the fuck are my keys?"

I always have control of the situations I'm in; but watching half his body under my bed as he looked for his keys made me realize that I've lost that control a long time ago. Maybe I should break the deal…

"Thank you"

I looked up; I didn't even notice I had been starring at the floor. "For what?"

"For not telling your teammates about me. You could've easily pretended I attacked you just the same…" He looked…odd, unlike himself. Like he wasn't supposed to look so kind, and still somehow he was. Maybe he heard what I was thinking; maybe that's why he looks so depressed all of a sudden.

Suddenly having him out of my apartment didn't seem significant anymore. "No problem."

He finally found his keys; along with his bandana on the couch and his shoes behind the desk. "I better leave before causing you any trouble." He stopped at the window, his back to me. "I'll see you around."

I gave one step forward. "Tonight?" I blurted the words without realizing it; without thinking. He nodded once, keeping his back to me then step out into the fire escape. "And Yohji…" He turned as he spoke the words. When I saw him he had that malicious smirk I've grown to recognize plastered all over his face. "…remember it was your idea" He let out a laugh; almost a grunt; as he disappeared from my sight.

There were very few times in my life that I've been rendered speechless; this was one of them. But when it came to being messed with, I could honestly say this was a first.

Yep…definitely no control of the situation whatsoever.


	8. plan

The plan was simple enough. At least it sounded simple enough. Pick an area with a limited radius and pick a place inside it. Club, bar, pub, etc… they would rotate, so never the same place on the same day. Some days I would pick the place, other days Schuldig would pick the place. The principle of the plan was: what we didn't know, the Oracle couldn't see. Like I said; it sounded simple enough. But in all honesty I didn't know if it would work.

After all …this was Schuldig's plan, not mine. And I was having a lot of trouble trusting him. That was the main reason why I was picking the place tonight. I chose a club about two miles from the Koneko, lots of people; less danger for me if it was a trap.

I've been here an hour and still no sign of him…figures. I was going to have fun with or without him. I don't remember exactly when I started dancing, but suddenly it was all I could think of. I saw everything like through a mist. The music, my body, others beside me and especially that I didn't have to worry about anything at the moment. Arms wrapped around me like they often do and a chin rested on my shoulder. I threw my head back to place my head against another; something felt amiss. I tried to think about it and my mind just came up blank; right now I breathe for the music.

Then it all disappeared. The feeling, the dancing, the heat.

That's when I became aware of everything and everyone…that's when I noticed all the stares. My partner's body pressed tighter against mine.

"You like the attention, don't you kitten?"

I slowly grabbed Schuldig's hands and peeled them from my body before turning around. Emerald orbs glistened in the semi-darkness.

He smirked. "You chose a club right? Don't you want to dance?"

"Not with you."

"But we were doing so well."

I dropped his hands away, shaking my head in disbelief as I left the dance floor. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and confused. It was just dancing, wasn't it? Why did I felt this way?

I left the club with a rush to my pace. A discussion was coming, I could feel it, and I don't think a packed club was the best place for it.

"Where are you going? Do you really care that much what people were thinking?"

_Of course I don't._

I wasn't handling this well; this was not working at all. The risks where ten times as much as the perks; we are on different sides of the same battle…I should end it.

It was cold outside as I walked farther away from all the noise; he kept following me. I turned around just under a light pole and I took my first good look at him. He frowned. He knew I would notice, how couldn't I. It was obvious that the side of his face had ended up on the wrong end of a fist.

"Who hit you?" I asked without thinking.

"My boss"

"Why?"

"We had a disagreement on me going out tonight" he replied as he avoided my eyes, "he wanted me to stay for a mission briefing and I wanted to leave. That's why I was late."

I blinked "He beats you up if you don't do what he says?"

He shrugged. "That's the general rule."

Something inside me shifted and my right hand extended towards him as if moving on its own. My fingers traced the bruise at the side of his face softly and he jumped back at the caring touch like it was fire. I didn't say anything at the reaction. I just couldn't comprehend how someone that cared for him could do this to him; and even more how he could allow it. I sighed inwardly; I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't stand to be hit. But I knew he would just ignore my advice. It was in his nature to do so.

"You should have stayed for the briefing." I said.

Something glittered on his eyes as he let out a soft breath. "Don't worry about me." he said softly evading my eyes again.

Two minutes ago I was about too break the deal. Now I want to comfort him. Things really don't ever go as planned. I could still do it; dismissed him into the night; forget about what happened between us…

But standing here, starring at the purple side of his face mixed with his emerald eyes. I knew that that was impossible now. And that I was much more involved than I thought I was.

It's been three weeks. Everyone on my team knows something is up. I used to go out a lot before; but not with such frequency; and certainly never with such enthusiasm before. There was no hiding it. I looked forward with each meeting with Schwarz's telepath.

I went inside the living room where they were all seated. Aya glanced my way for a second, before returning to his book. Sometimes that was worst than actually saying anything. I avoided his eyes.

"Are you going out again tonight?" Ken asked.

I nodded, scrambling for my keys; it was my turn to search tonight.

"Where are you going?" Omi asked in turn.

"Don't know yet" I answered briefly. During the past three weeks I've come up with shorter answers to their questions. The less I talk, less the chance to say something I might later regret.

I hated it. I hated lying to my team; because at the same time I was lying to myself. As I found my keys on top of the television set, I wanted to believe that the meetings with Schuldig were harmless and that I felt nothing for him.

I dug the keys inside one of my back pockets and headed upstairs again; mumbling an approximate hour in which I will get back and ignoring Ken and Omi's protest while I was at it.

The club was packed; just the same as the previous two I've visited. Third one's the charm. It was easy to spot him; he stood out like a white rose in a sea of red ones. His hair fell all over his face and shoulders, as it was no longer restricted by his bandana. He never wore it whenever we met; I only saw it during missions nowadays. He wore a deep green vest that exposed some of his chest, along with black leather pants that stuck to him like a second skin. He danced; he seemed to be always dancing.

"Yohji!"

I turned at the sound of my name; confusion flooding over me as Omi and Ken's faces came into view.

"What are you doing here?" I asked instantly unable to hide the shock to my voice. A rush of dread rose up my spine, and I suddenly felt very cold.

"Ken and I decided to go out tonight too." Omi answered with a smile "From what we've seen from you, it looks like a lot of fun."

"I was just leaving" I said quickly, turning towards the exit. I have to get them out of here now.

Ken frowned a little. "But you just got here" he said dryly. The second he spoke the words, I knew they had followed me; that they had been following me ever since I left the Koneko.

"It's too crowded, I like quieter places" I lied. Five more minutes and they would have seen me with him. Omi nodded and that was my queu.

I started to leave and Omi followed me, but Ken never moved. Omi stopped dead on his tracks.

"What's wrong Ken?" he asked, returning to his side.

_No, no, no…_

I rushed back to where Ken was standing. It was only four steps; but they felt like an eternity. The first thing I noticed was the looks on their faces. Omi's didn't say anything; but Ken's…Ken's face showed a silent rage that was slowly but surely taking over him. His mouth opened and words came out of it, and I heard them loud and clear; like the music didn't exist.

_"Mastermind"_


	9. choice

The shit had hit the fan. And everything was about to blow right on my face. Both Ken and Omi had seen Schuldig in one of the places that we were supposed to meet. Ken moved forward and I instantly snatched his shoulder, stopping him.

"What are you doing Ken?" I asked.

He glared at me "What does it look like?" he spat at me "I'm going to kill the bastard." He tried advancing again; but I kept a firm hold on him. "What do you mean kill him?" I said back, keeping the cool to my voice "There are dozens of innocent people around if you haven't noticed."

Omi joined me by Ken's other side. "He's right Ken, take it easy. I want to get him as much as you do, but we need a plan."

I trembled. They were talking murder, and talking about it like it was nothing. It bothered me; and it shouldn't have. This is what we did for a living. I was an assassin too…and I cared for my target. That was the truth. In just three weeks Schuldig had managed to reach a point with me in which I would grieve if he died; twice as much if I had to kill him. The thought had cross my mind; as long as I was Weiss and he was Schwarz; killing was always a possibility. I just never expected it to actually happen; never so soon.

"He's not listed as a target" I said quickly with a little hope.

"He's Schwarz, Yohji," Ken said in his matter of fact voice. "I don't think we need an official authorization to dispose of Schwarz"

Dispose? Did I sound like that? Like he was nothing. I kept telling myself I could do it. That if it came to him or me in fight; that I would chose me.

But I've been lying to myself. I've been lying to myself this hole time.

I can't do it. I just can't kill him. Not without a reason.

"Let's go outside before he sees us." Omi said, pulling Ken and myself out of the heat of the club and into the cold night. Once outside Omi looked around and I knew he was planning something in his head. Ken didn't speak; I think he was too angry to speak. And me…I just couldn't think straight right now.

"This way," Omi ordered as he walked away from the crowd in front of the club. He turned around in the next corner and into an alley, where he found a small flight of stairs. He started up them as Ken and I followed. We ended up on the roof of the club.

"There are two exits to this place" Omi said after he had checked the entire structure. "The main entrance and a small exit by the alley. Ken and I left our weapons at home; did you bring your watch Yohji?"

I blinked and stared at him. Suddenly I could think. "Yes"

This was my chance. "I'll guard the exit on the alley since I'm the only one who has a weapon." I said with a push to my voice, I just had to convince him.

Omi froze while he thought over what I had just said; finally nodding after a few seconds. He spoke. "Then Ken and I will guard the main entrance; whomever spots him first tells the others."

Ken and I nodded; then I headed towards the area above the alleyway exit. I had a fifty-fifty chance that Schuldig would use the less crowded exit. I was betting he would leave alone and that he would choose this exit in order to avoid the crowds. We always left alone… I hoped I knew him as well as I thought I did.

I stopped counting how long it's been a long time ago; I got tired after two hours. He was waiting for me and I wasn't coming; how long was he going to wait? I've been trying to communicate with him ever since this whole mess started. But so far I've had zero luck; there were just too many people in the damn club. Too many distractions; too much noise.

_"Schuldig can you hear me…Schu…"_

"Any luck, Yohji?"

I looked over my shoulder to find Omi. "Nope" I answered. "You?"

"Nothing; Ken's starting to get worried that he might have escaped."

I let out a small grunt. "Tell him he's getting paranoid."

He laughed softly. They hadn't put two and two together; the way Omi laughed, that's what it told me. They hadn't figured it out yet. Probably because the idea was so beyond normal thought. And some part of me was happy because of that.

"I will" Omi said, still smiling. He sighed, "I didn't think he would take this long, we could have called Aya."

An image appeared on my head at the words. Filled with blood, Aya's katana, and dead emerald eyes. "I think we can handle this on our own." I said.

He smiled again, nodding. "Don't forget to call when you see him."

"Yeah…" I replied softly as he walked off to join Ken once again.

I sighed, releasing whatever tension I had. I didn't want to be here anymore; I dodn't even have a plan.

The door below me opened with a long screechy sound, which I could barely hear. Most likely one of the endless couples I've been spotting all night; or maybe someone just going out for a smoke. It was neither. I instantly recognized the wild flame hair and the clothes he had been wearing when I saw him a while ago.

_"Schuldig!"_

I could see him looking around, obviously confused. _"Yohji? Is that you? Where are you? Why didn't you meet me?"_

_"Ken and Omi followed me, they saw you, they…they…"_

_"Where are you Yohji?"_ he was anxious; I could tell. How were we going to get out of this?

 _"On the roof."_ I thought exasperatedly, not wanting to lose precious seconds. _"They want to kill you Schu-"_

He turned around and looked up; and I could see him frowning at me. _"Why are you telling me this? Why are you warning me?"_

_What?_

I frowned back, not caring if he could see me or not, not caring for anything right now anymore. _"Because I…I"_

_"Idiot! You're not suppose to care about me."_

_"What are you talking about?"_ Now it was my turn to be anxious.

 _"Who is going to kill me?"_ He's changing the subject. We don't have time for this!

 _"I'm the only one who is armed."_ I answered quickly. Right now I needed him to understand. _"I can't kill you, Schu"_

_"Idiot…"_

I glared at him. _"Stop calling me idiot-"_

 _"Attack me!"_ I blinked.

_"What?"_

_"Attack me!"_ he ordered again.

_"I can't…"_

_"Just do it!"_ he screamed in my head, then softer, almost a whisper _"…trust me."_

He was asking me to trust him. He already knew I cared about him and that it was hard for me to kill him; but trust…

I threw my wire at him, I was supposed to warn Omi and Ken the second I saw him. But all I could think of was that I couldn't kill him. Besides; he was no danger to my teammates right now.

He raised his left hand into air and the wire wrapped around it instantly with a sound I've grown to recognize all too well. Instinct took over me and I pulled; tensing the lethal cable. He smiled at me just before grabbing the tense wire with his free hand and pulling at it with force. Before I could understand what was going on I was already on my one way trip down to the concrete floor. My body hit the floor with force and my ribs screamed in pain; I could hear Ken and Omi's cries in the distance. They had finally noticed. Hands quickly snatched my shoulders dragging me to my feet. I felt the warm pressing of his forehead against my own and I met Schuldig's gaze as he smirked at me softly. For that second, I couldn't breath.

"You're late, kitten"

He turned me around before I could reply, grabbing my neck with his right hand as he released his left one free of my wire. I could hear Omi and Ken's footsteps coming from the roof, they were calling my name.

Once Schuldig was free of the wire, he squeezed my throat a little with his right hand at the same time that he used his left one to grapple both my hands behind my back; trapping them between our bodies. I could feel the brush of his lips against my ear.

"Now scream for me, Yohji"


	10. wire

I screamed.

I screamed just like he told me too; just the same as if he would have stabbed me in the back. And maybe he had…

I couldn't help but feel betrayed as he squeezed my throat.

 _"Just play along Yohji,"_ he ordered. Hmph…so much for that thought.

I struggled a bit, noticing that he was really keeping a good hold on me. "You don't have to play so rough." I comment.

He let out a small laughed and he didn't have to say anything else; I knew exactly what he was thinking. Pervert.

"Yohji!"

I looked up to see Ken and Omi leaning over the ledge where I was once standing. Schuldig squeezed tighter.

"One more step Weiss, and I'll snap his neck!" he yelled in an obnoxious tone. Omi and Ken froze on the spot. I could see Ken had his fist closed and that he was cursing under his breath. Omi looked restless.

_"Your pressing to tight, Schu…It's a little hard to breathe."_

He ignored me. "Sorry to spoil your little plan, Weiss. But I plan to stay very much alive tonight."

"How did you know?" Omi exclaimed.

"I'm a telepath, you moron! What did you expect?"

"Let Yohji go, Mastermind!" Ken screamed.

I could practically see his face twist at the name.

"I'd rather not! I seem to be in the need of some insurance at the moment."

"Put him down right now!" Ken ordered again. I heard Schuldig smirking.

"I think I rather take him with me" he replied. He pressed the side of his face against mine as soon as he spoke the words moving his fingers lightly across the skin on my neck at the same time. My pulse accelerated.

_What?_

"You're not taking Yohji anywhere!" It was Omi's turned to yell.

Schuldig laughed, "I don't think you're in much of a position to be demanding things Weiss." He spat at them. "Do not follow me! I'll kill him the second I sense you behind me!"

_"Schu…what are you doing?"_

Schuldig shifted his position, letting my hands go as he reached for the still hanging wire from my watch with unbelievable speed. He let go of my neck; quickly replacing it with my own wire with one swift turn around my neck, grabbing both ends with his hands and pulling tight.

I gagged, quickly raising my hands towards the wire at my throat, trying to grasp it. I heard Ken screaming.

 _"Schuldig! Don't you dare cut my air supply!_ Schuldig!"

My voice was ignored as blotches of black appeared over my eyes. I cursed myself for trusting him, because with that, I had given him a license to do whatever he wanted with me. As my world darkened I came to the realization that under the emotion of the moment; the last word I spoke; his name…I had said his name out loud.

I tried to breath; but nothing filled my lungs and I entered my worst nightmare. I panicked.

I tried to hit him; anything as long as he let go of me. I just wanted him to stop choking me. But I was too weak already; my lungs were empty.

 _"Schu…please…"_ I managed to plead as my legs gave out and my body slumped backwards against him…just before the darkness swallowed me.

I opened my eyes slowly, tentatively. Afraid of what I might see when I did.

It was a room; nothing special about it. Just a closet, a window, a small dresser across from me with a lamp on top of it and the bed I was in. The room was dark; the only light came from the small lamp. I reached out for my watch, I needed something to lean on, but it was gone. I tried getting up, but my ribs wouldn't let me. I winced at the pain and quickly reached out to feel bandages under my shirt. My whole body felt numb. I laid on my side, starring at the lone lamp. A door opened and light poured inside the room; quickly disappearing once the door was closed. Footsteps came closer; and a figure appeared in front of me.

"Want some coffee?" Schuldig said as he crouched down so he could make eye contact, offering a mug of the liquid at the same time. I frowned at him. "Where am I?"

"My room" he answered.

I tried sitting up again and suddenly he was there to help me. I had the urge to shrug him off. I didn't want him touching me. But I needed his help if I wanted to sit up straight. Once sitting I took the mug from his hand and took a sip; instantly feeling better and regaining some of the strength that I needed for what I wanted to do.

He smiled weakly at me and I smiled back just before I threw my fist around, hitting him right in the middle of his face.

He stumbled back and fell to the floor; a look of pure shock plain on his face.

I instantly forgot the pain; overwhelmed by what I've just done. I stood up and fell on top of him trying desperately to wrap my hands around his throat. I was soo angry with him.

"Damn you! How dare you choke me with my own wire!"

He fought back, immediately gaining the upper hand and I soon found myself on the floor with my hands pinned above my head and my body trapped below him.

"Get off me!" I yelled and he instantly covered my mouth with his hand, I noticed there was a damp cloth wrapped around it.

"Shut up!" he spat. "Before you wake everybody up!"

Dammit!

He was right; I hated that he was right; the last thing I needed right now was the rest of Schwarz storming inside the room.

"Get-off-me" I said again with much emphasis. He let go and stood up, heading towards the closet. I kept my eyes on him as I sat back up. He opened the closet wide and pulled a small red toolbox out. He kept ignoring me as he sat down on the bed; the only spot to sit in the room; and opened the small toolbox. The box was a first aid kit. I stood up, feeling some of the anger being replaced with concern, as he unwrapped the rough bandages around both his hands. I saw him wince, and the wounds on his hands were exposed. Twin lines right across both palms; the end result of using my weapon inexperienced and without gloves. He ignored the alcohol and went straight to grab a clean bandage to wrap around his hands again.

I snatched his right hand and he raised his emerald eyes to look at me.

"Don't you even know how to appropriately use a first aid kit?" I asked mockingly, sitting down beside him. I grabbed the alcohol, opened it and poured some of it on the wound on his right palm, not warning him that it would sting.

He clenched his teeth and I felt a little better already. I did the same with his other hand and finally wrapped them both with clean bandages.

"Thanks," he muttered after I was done.

"Your welcome," I muttered back as I placed the alcohol back in the box.

He closed the toolbox then grabbed my shirt as he tried to get it off me.

"Hey!"

He stopped and looked at me with the calmest look he could have. "What are you doing?" I asked a little bemused. "You're going home aren't you?" he asked softly in reply..

"Yeah" I answered. He smiled again. "Don't you think it would be weird that your enemy tended to your wounds?"

He had a point. "I think I can hold my own shirt up." I said.

Schuldig started removing the bandages slowly as I held my shirt up and my pulse sped up every time his fingers grazed my bare skin.

"What are you doing to me?" I asked without thinking.

"What are you doing to me?" he asked back, touching skin again.

"What am I doing to you?" My voice was low, just above a whisper. He touched me again and spoke; his voice held something I couldn't quite place. "Why do you make me want to touch you?"

"Stop" I whispered to deaf ears.

"I like you, Yohji."

"You're not so bad yourself" I replied automatically.

"I don't think you understood me" he said moving closer.

He placed both hands above my hips and leaned towards me. For a second I didn't know what he was doing; then it all came very clear to me.

_He was going to kiss me!_

I woke from whatever daze I've been in and quickly grabbed his shoulders and pushed him away just before he had the chance to lock his lips with my own.

The look on his face…he looked hurt. I didn't know what to say to him.

I finished removing the bandages myself and stood up from the bed. I didn't have the nerve to talk to him right now; I couldn't even make eye contact. "Where does that window lead to?" I inquired.

"A street" he answered softly. I went to the window and opened it easily. I stopped in mid-turn and swallowed hard, making a decision. "Whose turn is it tomorrow?" I asked. He raised his head slowly and he didn't look so hurt anymore. "It's your turn."

"Around eleven?"

Something between a smile and a grin played on his face. "All right."

I started going out the window. "See you tomorrow then Schu." I said, leaving down the fire escape.

It was chaos at the Koneko. And I mean that literally. Omi and Ken wanted to know every little detail that had happened. I kept telling the same story over and over. I had woken up in an alley and rushed back home.

Kritiker had called a medic to check up on me, who proceeded to tell me that beside a few bruises and lacerations, that I was fine. I already knew that. The act had been flawless and I had the marks to prove it. Afterwards I had to make a report on the incident. That, I hated. The lies involving me didn't bother me so much anymore; what bothered me was that Ken had decided to help me with the damn thing at the last minute and the report had ended portraying Schuldig as this cold-blooded thing that was out to get me. I really hated it.

Aya looked detached from everything that was happening. That worried me. After Schuldig's little show I could sense how Ken and Omi weren't that suspicious of my activities anymore. But Aya…I could feel it in his stare; he still knew I was doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing.

I tried to shrug it off; Aya was Aya. Besides…I had more troubling matters at hand. Like the fact that Schuldig had tried to kiss me.

I didn't know what troubled me most; that he might try it again or that if I would stop him when he did.


	11. dance

The two months are almost up; time sure flies by. There have been no more incidents since the Ken and Omi disaster. I feel anxious. Like there's a big chunk of myself that I've lost…or that I'm about to lose if I don't do something about it.

Schuldig hasn't even tried to get close to me since that one time in his apartment. At the beginning it brought relief just because I didn't have to deal with that issue.

Like I said…at the beginning. Now…

I am not attracted to men…hmph; maybe if I repeat it ten times to myself I'll believe it. But if it's not attraction, then what is it? I feel something for him and I know that whatever feelings I've developed for the Schwarz telepath went beyond friendship. I just didn't know what I felt.

We meet again tonight. We always seemed to be going to bars or clubs; I want something different. I just need to find out how I feel. I suggest a restaurant and he agrees. The only problem is that we are not speaking much to each other lately. Maybe it's instinct; how we both now that by this time next week the deal would have ended. That there won't exist a logical reason for us to see each other anymore. He sits across from me and orders some strange meal I've never heard of before. We don't talk, we don't even look at each other, and it's killing me inside.

I sigh.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask out of the blue. He looks up from his drink. "Uh?"

"Are you all right Schuldig?"

"Fine" he answered in a low voice "I just…" he sighed, then swallowed hard. "Do you want to go see a movie?"

I blinked. A little surprised with myself that I didn't immediately say no. I'd brought the dinner idea; he'd brought the movie idea. It wasn't lost on me how much the entire night resemble…well…resemble a date.

"Why not?" I answered.

The movie was worst than the dinner; I've never felt so jittery in my life. Not even on my first date. At one point my fingers accidentally touched his and he reacted as if disgusted by them. He thinks I don't notice; maybe he's been reading my head all night even though we agreed he wouldn't. The night was a complete and total disaster.

And I still wasn't clear on how I felt about him.

"Are you going to break up with your girlfriend or something?" I turned to look at Ken and his odd question as I finished with the last of the dishes.

"Girlfriend?" I asked back.

"You look like your dreading something" he said.

"Yeah, something" I muttered.

"Well; I know it's not any of my business, but…" There's always a 'but' isn't it. "But…I wouldn't do it if I were you."

I didn't understand what he was trying to say. "Wouldn't do what?"

"Break up" he answered. "This girl makes you happy, don't break up with her." I smiled a bit; leave it to Ken to assume that whatever's bothering me has to do with a girl.

"Thanks, I'll take that in mind." I said, not pushing the issue any further, as he left the kitchen with a smile on his face.

Ken was right; I was dreading something. The two months end tonight. After tonight, Schuldig and I will go back to making our teams our first priority; back to despising each other.

I finished the last of the dishes and turned to get ready for tonight. I was met with Omi's blue eyes.

He spoke. "Sorry I overheard, I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry, it's nothing anyway" I started to leave, but Omi wouldn't let me pass.

"I think Ken's right" he suddenly blurted out. I stood there without moving and let him talk. "You're happier; whomever this person is, you like being with them, but…"

I couldn't help myself. "But what?"

"I feel there's something missing or wrong about all of it" he said.

_You got that right chibi._

"I think you love this person Yohji" he suddenly blurted out.

That took me by surprise. _Love? Love?_

First things first. "But my friend's a guy Omi" I said.

His smile never wavered, "So?"

_What?_

"What do you mean so?" I asked bewildered.

He sighed. "Do you love him in the same way you love us?"

I thought about it. I mean, I really thought about it. "No…" I finally whispered.

I slumped on the first chair I saw, quickly resting my elbows on top of the table and covering my opened mouth with my left hand as the realization dawned on me.

I felt affection for the telepath. Maybe not strong enough to be consider love, but affection it was. How did this happen? And why aren't I freaking out?

We were both men and enemies and none of it mattered. To the point were it was obvious to everyone except him and me. This is why I am anxious; this is why I am dreading tonight.

I finally speak after what seemed like an eternity. "But it's complicated."

"It's complicated only when you want it to be, Yohji-kun."

I opened my mouth to say that he was wrong and found that my voice had left me.

Omi smiled at me. "Goodnight Yohji"

I stood there slightly speechless as Omi walked up the stairs.

"Goodnight…"

The club was packed as Schuldig and I walked inside. We had met outside; not caring for the risks that implied. I kept my thoughts busy with silly things like what song I would like to dance to and what drink I was going to order. Anything; as long as it kept me from thinking about my feelings for him.

Yes, he had tried to kiss me a little over a month ago. But afterwards he had avoided any touch like the plague. I just plain didn't know how he felt now. The music roared and it filled my every sense, overpowering me, consuming me. I had this sudden urge to grab Schuldig and pull him towards me. I wanted to hold him, to feel his body close to mine…but I didn't.

The second we entered, a girl walked towards us. She clutched to Schuldig as she whispered something in his ear, he grinned at her and before I knew it she was dragging him off to the dance floor, abandoning me in the process.

_"Hey…"_

_"Don't worry playboy, it's not you, she just has a thing for foreigners."_ His mental voice sounded so distant. I knew that once on the dance floor he would hear only the music.

_Playboy?_

Schuldig had obviously misinterpreted my gloominess and envy. He was reading me. Liar.

_It's not her I want anymore Schu…_

I was jealous.

Dammit.

I see them danced, surrounded by a mass of bodies. Is this how we were going to spend our last night of the deal; distancing ourselves even more from each other? I can't take it. There's something tearing me up inside. I remember only once before feeling this way.

Damm it all, damm it all to hell. I am tired of thinking about this in a rational matter.

I sneak my way around the dance floor. He will never see me coming.

At one point during the song he raises both hands up into the air. I see my opportunity and managed to snatch his right hand in midair from behind. He recognizes my touch in a second and I could feel as a long gasp left his lips.

_"What are you doing, Yohji?"_

_"What does it look like?" I replied as I wrapped my other hand around his stomach pulling him closer to me. He trembled._

_"Are you guys a couple or something?" I opened my eyes to find the girl that had snatched him away. I glared at her. "Leave" I said with a drop of anger to my voice. She glared back at me before finally giving up and leaving in a huff._

__"What are you doing, Yohji?"_ he asked again, now with a little panic. I lowered down both our hands from midair, never letting go. I pulled his body even closer as I sniffed the scent of his hair. It smelled good. If this was our last night, I was going to take as much as I could until he pushed me away._

_I expected it; some form of rejection; some type of mental attack that would force me to release him._

_It just never came._

_I started moving to the slowly rising beat of the music and he followed my lead. He raised his remaining free hand and wrapped it around my neck. We got closer as if making up for all that time we've wasted._

_The music slowed down to an almost pause and so did I. Schuldig turn his head to look at me, I was pretty sure he was wondering why I had paused, when everyone else just kept dancing. My heart beated against my chest in a frantic rhythm and I knew he could feel it; just as much as I felt his own heartbeat._

_I could see it in his eyes, the longing, the uncertainty, he was afraid of something. I tried reassuring him as I placed my forehead on his, matching emerald with my own green._

_He trembled again, which sent shivers down my spine; the good kind._

__"Yohji…"_ _

_I kissed him. A soft brush of lips first, quickly transforming into something much deeper. He doesn't push me away. I hold him closer, as much as I possibly can. I don't want to let go right now._

_I finally broke the kiss and starred at him. Waiting…_

_He disengaged himself from my hold, and for that second I was afraid. Afraid of rejection; afraid that he would laugh at my face and leave me there. He turned his body around slowly until we were facing each other. I couldn't read his face. I hoped he couldn't read mine._

_He suddenly wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me in. Our lips met again and it was wondrous. This time it wasn't light, it was like for that moment he wanted me as much as I wanted him; we devoured each other._

_For that moment nothing mattered; not the people, not the music, not the comments, nothing…just us._

_Perfect._

_I finally got back home around one in the morning. After the kiss; make that kisses; Schuldig and I had sat down to discuss our little situation. Even after how much we wanted to see each other now; we've agreed to lay low for a while. We would act like before the deal; like things hadn't changed; but things have changed._

_I closed the door softly behind me, not wanting to wake anybody. I started going up the stairs._

_"Yohji" I stopped and turned around._

_"Aya? What are you doing up at this hour?"_

_He looked at me with slightly dead eyes. "There's an emergency mission briefing" he said. "At one in the morning?" I asked in surprise. He let out a grunt. "It would have been sooner if you've gotten here sooner" he finished, heading towards the basement._

_I followed with a little reluctance. What could possibly be so important that it couldn't wait for tomorrow?_

_I finished going down the stairs to find that everybody was already there._

_"Finally!" Ken mused rolling his eyes. "Bad break up?"_

_I smiled at him. "Actually, we sort of got back together."_

_"Are we going to have this briefing? Or do you want keep chit chatting?" I glanced over at Manx who had spoken the words. I smiled at her "You're just angry I didn't pick you Manx." I mocked slightly. She frowned a little._

_"Enough play!" Birman said in a tired, yet anxious voice. How she managed to do that, I'll never know. "Now pay attention Weiss! Persia has issued this mission after much consideration. This is a red tag mission, which you all know means that everybody's in, if you back out you can start saying goodbye to Weiss."_

_Red tag mission? I remember reading about it some time when I first joined Weiss. What could be so important? That they would force us to do no matter what?"_

_"Weiss…"_

_We all looked at the screen. There was a picture on it. It was blurry, probably a freeze frame of some security camera, I could see it have been raining when the video was taken. There was a bunch of people on it, around eight or nine, and I couldn't really see who it was on the video. I glinted my eyes trying to make sense of it, but it was useless._

_"The picture you see was taken just a few days ago. It shows what's left of a yakuza gang accompanied by their bodyguards." There was a pause._

_"Your target is the assassin group Schwarz. Brad Crawford; the Oracle, Schuldig; the Mastermind, Jei; the Berserker and Nagi Naoe; the Prodigy."_

__Wait…_ _

_"Hunters of the night, deny these dark beasts their tomorrow."_

__Wait…_ _

_Birman spoke "We've located Schwarz living quarters."_

_"Where?" Ken asked quickly, I could practically sense the rage coming from him._

_"It's a small building around three miles from here." Birman answered; to which Ken replied by slamming his fist against the couch. "So close! All this time…"_

_"When's the deadline?" Aya asked calmly. Manx moved a step forward catching our attention "You are to infiltrate their residence and eliminate them by this time tomorrow" she said in a firm voice._

_"Fine" Aya replied coldly. He then turned his attention to us "We'll regroup here tomorrow at 9:00am. Rest up!" he ordered._

_Ken opened his mouth as if to complaint, but eventually closed it. Aya went up the stairs, followed by Manx and Birman. I stood there, my body frozen._

_"I'm going to bed" Ken announced, standing up and also leaving._

_I slumped on the sofa when my body finally gave up on me._

_"Is something wrong Yohji?" Omi asked quickly._

_I couldn't speak. _No…no…no…no…no! Red tag mission… Wait!__

_I couldn't think._

_It hurt. Something deep in my chest. It was killing me. What could possibly hurt this much?_

_I love him._

_I covered my face with my hands. I love him._

_I love Schuldig._

_"Yohji? Are you all right?" I turned towards Omi. I don't know what my face reveals; and I don't care._

_I stand, I can't be here right now, this place is suffocating me. I start up the stairs._

_"Yohji!" Don't go Yohji! Please!" Omi's pleas fall deaf on my ears. I rush up the stairs, grab my keys and leave through the same door I came in._


	12. reality

It's raining again, just like the first night we met. That baby, I wonder what happened to it.

I wanted to kill him that night. But I made a decision not to; I chose to get to know him instead. This is where a one second decision has led me too.

How long I've been sitting here? Half an hour, an hour…I don't even know anymore. I'm going to get pneumonia if I keep this up. Why did I come here anyway?

I force myself up from the spot I'm sitting; it keeps pouring and I hear thunder in the distance. It seems the weather has come to an agreement with what I'm feeling right now. I grab the window's edge and lift it up. It opens easily, just like before.

_Idiot…you should learn to keep your window locked._

I slip inside, as quiet as humanly possible. The lamp is off now; the room is in complete darkness. I remember where it is and turn it on, letting a small quantity of light inside the room. He sleeps; and my heart skips a beat. I can't deny this anymore.

I walk slowly towards the bed and raise a hand towards him; I feel the need to touch him. His hair is soft; it passes through my fingers like silk, fiery silk. It doesn't seem fair, we just found each other…I just want to watch him sleep right now.

He moves; fast. I don't expect it; I honestly believed he was sleeping. It's too sudden for me and I loose my chance to defend myself, that's what happens when you sneak up on an assassin. His hand snatches mine and he pushes me face first to the floor; twisting my hand behind my back in the process. I let out a small grunt, surprised by the action itself. There's a small pause, he doesn't move, I don't move.

I can hear the confusion in his voice. "Yohji?"

He releases me and stands up. I roll my body around on the floor and look at him. I notice he's wearing the shirt I gave him.

"What are you doing here?" he asks me at the same time he offers me a hand to help me up. I take it and was standing in a second.

"What are you doing here Yohji?" he asks again a little on the demanding side.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I didn't have anything to say. I sat down on his bed, speechless.

"What happened?" his voice shows a hint of fear, but he keeps asking me questions I can't answer. I don't have the strength to answer. If he finds out that I love him, he'll probably push me away…I don't want that.

He sits down beside me; I can sense the frustration pouring out of him. "You have two options Yohji" he said in a slightly dry voice, "either you tell me what's wrong or I get it from you; and believe me, you don't want the second option."

I starred at him, and I knew he was telling the truth. I have to tell him.

My voice comes out low, a whisper "You're my target…"

Silence fills the room; the kind that is worst than any noise, the kind that leaves you restless. All I can hear is his breathing…and mine. I can't stand this!

He stands, and my hand finds his left wrist in a second. Don't go…

I can't take the silence anymore. "Say something" I plea.

His voice comes out clear and flat, "I already knew that."

Shock with a little bit of anger pour over me, making me forget any other emotions. I stand and force him to look at me. "How did you know?" I ask.

"Crawford told me."

I freeze, and my body tightens. "How can you be so calm? Do you understand what this means? Don't you care?"

He twist's his arm, trying to get free of my hold on him. He glares at me with murder in his eyes. His voice is harsh and cruel. "Leave Yohji…get the hell out of my sight!" He keeps twisting his arm; the movement is frantic, desperate; it doesn't match his attitude. I don't understand why he's suddenly acting this way; but I'm not letting go of him. "What about what we talked about?" I ask frantically. "What about us?"

He glares at me again. "There can't be an us. That was just lust. I don't care about you." I let go of him as an impulse and suddenly it's hard to breath. "Now leave Yohji; before I wake the rest of my team up." The threat comes clear and it hits home like a ton of bricks.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. This is a nightmare, one I know I can't wake up from; nothing is supposed to ache this bad. I look straight at his eyes and he avoids them like the plague.

"I don't believe you…"

He keeps ignoring me and I snatch his wrist again; he fights me.

"Don't touch me!"

"Then stop lying to me!"

I step around and face him; his eyes finally tell me everything his words won't, and I believe he cares. I wrap my arms around him, I hold him close to me, because this is what I feel right now; and I don't want to let go. When his arms finally wrapped around my back I throw myself on the bed, dragging him with me.

I want him close to me, even if what I feel can't never be, even if it's just for tonight…I don't care.

I'm in a precarious situation. I've fallen in love with my enemy; someone I'm supposed to hate by default. And it's simply marvelous.

I don't want it to end. I don't want to wake up, because when I finally do, I know I'll have to face reality. And right now reality sucks.

_"Wake up, Yohji"_

I already said I don't want to.

_"Wake up! Yohji."_

Leave me alone. I want to stay here.

"Wake up!"

Someone shakes me hard and I force my eyes open. Schuldig's face stares at me and I quickly notice the slight panic on it. I don't even have time to ask.

"Crawford's coming! You need to get out now!"

I don't even question him and quickly get up, gathering up my belongings in a flash. The window is already open and he guides me to it, everything happens in a blur. I'm already outside but in a quick decision I peer my head in again; I feel the need to do so. He grabs my hand and places something in it just before kissing me and forcing my head outside again. He starts closing the window and I see the door opening. I have a brief second to hide myself, I notice Schuldig didn't have the time to close the window fully.

"Are you ready yet?"

I can listen to them. I know I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't eavesdrop, but something is holding me. I can't help but listen.

"Why are you by the window Schuldig?"

"Nothing Brad, just sentimental crap"

"I though I told you to watch out last night; I warned you about Weiss"

"You did…"

"Never mind. Why aren't you ready yet?"

"…why do we have to leave anyway?"

"I told you; Kritiker has made us targets, is not safe to stay in Japan right now. I've seen it, if you stay here your Esset file will read 'deceased' in big bold red letters."

"…"

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That watch on the floor"

I hear a rap on the floor, then footsteps.

"Give it to me Schuldig"

"…"

"Why the hell do you have this? Is this Balinese's watch? Did he do something here?"

"…"

I heard the crude sound of a blow, followed by a thud on the wooden floor.

"You moron! I told you to end it! I told you that mission was over! Being Kritiker's target's changes everything. Do you want me to beat you up like when I found out?"

"It's complicated"

"It's not! I told you to befriend the Balinese. To make him believe he could trust you."

"I know Brad."

"I told you to tell him you liked him."

"I know Brad"

"I told you he would come last night and I told you to end your relationship with him."

"I know Brad! Now shut the hell up!"

…

"Get him out of your head Schuldig; then pack your bags; we leave in two hours."

I heard the door being slammed shut and I couldn't breathe anymore, couldn't see anymore, couldn't move anymore. Everything I had come to feel and believe for the past months were a lie. I loved someone who felt nothing for me, someone who had been deceiving me all this time. I feel like dying right now.

It seems like forever, but I know I have to get up, I know I have to leave before he comes up with the idea to check if I'm still outside. It would seem logical that that would be the first thing he does. But as I forced myself to my feet and start down the rusty stairs, nothing happens. I hear no windows opening, no shouts directed at me. Nothing.

My eyes are burning and my mouth is dry; yet I refuse to cry. I will not cry. I've been blind all this time, I should've notice the signs; I should've seen this coming…

_"Who hit you?"_

_"My boss"_

_"Why?"_

_"We had a disagreement on me going out tonight…that's why I was late."_

_"He beats you up if you don't do what he says?"_

_"That's the general rule."_

I'm a moron. A moron, that's left his weapon twice in the enemy's lair. That reminds me…I dig my hand in my pocket, looking for what he had given me before I left. It's a note. It tells me where to meet him; it's a park, the park we first talked; it also says to meet in an hour.

I'm not going; I don't have anything to say to him right now.

I open the door softly, it's barely six in the morning; everyone's probably still sleeping. I just want to go to my room and stay on my bed, but we have a mission tonight, I'll have to get ready sooner or later.

Omi's sitting on the kitchen table as I walk pass it. I stop, odd, Omi is never up at this hour when school's out. I open my mouth to ask him why, but he beats me to it.

His voice feels out of place "Good morning Yohji"

"Morning" I reply in a tired voice. He stands up and passes right by me. I have a bad feeling about this. He heads to the stairs that lead to the basement. He looks my way and signals me to follow him. I do.

I finish down the staircase to find Omi standing in front of the monitor. He looks at me again before raising the remote and turning the system on.

A video plays and I immediately recognize what I'm seeing. It's Schuldig and me meeting at the front of the club last night, just before our first kiss, I knew it had been bold to do so. Stupid, stupid me. The video ends and static fills the room.

Surprisingly I don't feel anything; no shock, no rage, no remorse…my heart's already emptied out.

"How long have you known?" I ask in a dry voice.

Omi's voice is clear, I can't pinpoint the emotion behind it. "Manx showed me the tape just before the briefing last night."

_"Yohji!" Don't go Yohji! Please!"_

_At least that makes sense now…_

I walk over to the monitor and turn it off manually; the static was making me ill. "Who else knows?" I ask, avoiding his gaze at the same time, his voice is the same.

"Aya knows."

"And Ken?"

"Not yet."

I turn my head to look at him now; I need to see his eyes, wondering what they might tell me even in lies. "What are you going to do about it?" There's silence, it's unnerving, and it stirs me up.

"Nothing"

I blink. "What?"

"For now." I knew it was to good to be true. "Kritiker has decided to deal with this matter after tonight's mission."

_Tonight's mission…_

"It all depends on the outcome of it…and your collaboration in it."

I close my eyes. This is a disaster. Schu and me…it was supposed to be mindless fun…just a way to not get bored on a Saturday night. Then how come it ends like this? It should have never begun in the first place. I never meant to fall in love, how could I possibly have anticipated that. Never in my wildest dreams…

I want it to be over, everything I'm feeling right now. I just want to lie down and forget everything. But this is only the beginning…

Please, please…someone make this ache in my heart go away. Help me…help me forget that I love him.


	13. mission

I have to go.

It's time.

Omi gave me a spare watch at my request. I realized I've been moping all day like I've lost a lover. But he's not my lover when he doesn't love me.

By six, the ache that had been consuming me finally turned into anger. I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him, just like he hurt me. I know it's childish and stupid and very unlike me and I also couldn't care any less.

I'm going to kick his ass. Then…then I'll have to do my mission. Let's just see if I survive that.

If he's still there that is.

No one had bothered to ask me where I had spent the night last night. So I never told. I heard they were leaving, I'll find out if he's really gone when we get there. Part of me still wants that, to find him gone and out of my life, that way I could forget. That way I wouldn't have to make this decision. And still…I keep having this ominous feeling…like the fates won't be so kind with me.

Everything feels surreal, getting ready, regrouping downstairs, even the drive there. Ken acts normal, which tells me they haven't told him yet. Omi tries to act as normal as possible, but I can feel some sort of resentment towards me. Aya has reached a point where he isn't even looking at me; much less talking. I deserve the treatment; I've been betraying their trust for the past two months, now I wonder if I'll ever get it back.

The car screeches to a halt. I'm the last one out. Someone gives directions and we all part ways. Was I supposed to go through the back or to the roof? Does it really matter? My feet move on their own, in the same direction I went last night. I don't remember going up the ladder, I don't remember opening the window, then suddenly I'm standing in his room again. Dark. The lamp's off. I walk towards it and turn it on. I gaze towards the bed; the only sitting spot in the room; knowing already what I'm going to see.

My hearts skips a beat at the sight of him. I came here with anger, fury; I came here wanting to inflict the same ache I had felt; I came here to kill him.

And unsurprisingly enough; I can't.

But I don't have to do it; sooner or later the others will find this room; all I have to do is not stop them.

"Why didn't you come this afternoon?"

His voice is calm, just like the calm before the storm. It tells me nothing. "I didn't have any reason to go." I answer just as flat.

"You heard…didn't you? You heard what Brad said?"

I keep my mouth shut; he knows I did; he knows I heard. "Weren't you leaving the country this afternoon?" I ask in return.

"You didn't come…"

This time the words show emotion; sorrow, pain. How dare he…

I have the sudden urge to wrap my hands around his throat; so that's what I do. I force him down on the bed, pinning his body with my own; pressing it with all my weight; he doesn't even try to stop me. "Stop…" my voice is forced, dry, I feel the anger rising again "stop talking like you care, you lying son of a bitch!"

Pain forms in his face and I stop immediately without even noticing; just like instinct. I just stopped trying to choke him the instant I saw that pain. The light is creating shadows; I can hear his ragged breathing and suddenly I'm angry with myself. I moved around; getting off him and slipping off the bed, standing up after I do so. I stare at the lamp on the opposite wall, giving my back to him.

"Leave…"

He rises; I can hear it. Why isn't he leaving? I turn around to look at him; our shadows are plastered on the wall; he's staring at mine. My voice comes out clear, emotionless, "The others will be here any second. Leave." He stays still. Why does he keep staring at my freaking shadow? Can't you even face me? I've had enough of this.

I rush at him and grab him by the shoulders, dragging him off the bed and throwing him to the floor. "You got what you wanted, I can't kill you. Leave!"

I snatch the space between his shoulder and his elbow and force him up the floor; dragging him. I know I'm behaving like a bastard…and I don't care. The only thing I don't understand is why isn't he fighting back? Why didn't he leave with the rest of his team? "Go!" I yell. "Inform you boss on how successful your mission was."

I want him out of my sight; I want him to leave out that damn window so I would never have to see him again. So I could finally forget all this; so my pulse will stop accelerating every time I think of him. I still have a strong hold of him when he finally turns around to face me after what seems like forever.

"God, Yohji…I love you"

He pours everything he is into those words; I can tell…but I refuse to believe. There just have been too many lies…I won't believe.

"I don't believe you"

He grabs my hands and holds them between his own. "Then why am I still here? Why didn't I leave along with the rest of my team?"

"Lack of good judgment?" I mock softly.

He ignores my words and just holds my hands tighter. "Listen to yourself! I'm trying to tell you that I love you…just like you love me."

A sudden surge of anger consumes me and I instantly shake his hands away. "And I'm telling you that I don't believe you!"

"Then why did I sleep with you?"

I open my mouth to mutter a reply but nothing comes out. I close my eyes, wanting everything to disappear. I open them instantly when I feel his touch again.

"If you don't believe my words, believe this." He throws himself at me and kisses me; and along with the kiss come the visions. He's doing exactly what I told him not to do ever again. I'm not ready. They come crashing like this immense weight full of everything; regret, anger, pain and love. I see and feel everything he wants to show me; I can't avoid it, I can't escape it. I see when his boss found out, I see when he refused to take an order to kill me. I see how the Oracle told him that he wasn't Schwarz anymore if he stayed. But most of all; I feel what he felt when I first kissed him; and how he discovered for himself that he loved me when I was inside him.

He breaks the kiss, still holding to my neck as for dear life. I take a deep breath once the visions stop, but the emotions still remain. I open my eyes slowly and look at him. He loves me…just as much as I love him. I wrap my hands around his waist and kiss him back as pure bliss overpowers me. I have the urge to thank someone, anyone. He's mine…I'm never letting go.

"What the hell's going on here?"

My eyes snap open and the kiss is broken at once. I turned around to face my teammate.

"Ken…"

Schuldig and I let go of each other and I position my body in front of Schuldig, placing myself between him and Ken. Siberian stares at me in disbelief, he was the only one that didn't know anything, this must be a shock to him. His voice expresses that shock. "Omawe…you dis…traitor."

"Wait Ken"

"Get out of the way Yohji!" it's an order, one that I should and would've obeyed any other day. But this is not any other day.

Ken…even after what you just saw…even after that…gomen ne…

"No"

"What?"

"I'm not moving."

He pulls out his claws and gives a step forward. "Move Yohji!"

"No!"

He gives another step forward and I prepare myself, ready to defend the one I love. "Listen to me Ken! It doesn't have to be this way! Just listen…"

He moves another step forward, then another, then suddenly he stops in mid-step, his body suddenly frozen, a glaze look on his face. His eyes close and his body falls to the floor with a loud thud. I go to him and check his pulse. Strong and steady; he's just unconscious.

"We better get going before the others arrive." I glance over at Schuldig who just spoke.

"You did this" I say in form of a question. He nods. "He'll be up in an hour…we better hurry Yohji, if someone else comes I won't be able to do that again. This is a one time trick." I stand up, taking up what his words mean. And yet I still need to know, I want it all to be clear, this is a big decision.

"Are we running away?" I ask at the same time I look at him straight in the eyes. He walks towards me and grabs my hand making me look at him. "What other choice do we have?" His words sink in, he's right. Right now running is the only way we can be together. He starts to pull me away and I give one last look at Ken before following him.

So this is it, isn't it? This is what I have to choose isn't it? My family or my lover. It can't be both, not now, maybe not ever. This love I feel right now; it may end someday. But all I have is now.

We go out the window and down the fire escape in a matter of seconds. The fire ladder ends up at the end of the alley. The alley feels cold and something sends shivers down my spine. It feels like we're being watched.

"Yotan…"

I glanced over at Schuldig to find an uncertainty in his eyes; but he's not looking at me. I turn around without hesitating, just towards the alley's only exit.

Aya…

Our only way out is blocked.

"Aya"

My eyes lock to the self declared leader of Weiss, and he stares back. His face tells me nothing as he slowly raises a hand and places it on his katana. A panic devours me.

"He isn't Schwarz anymore…Aya!"

Aya grapples his blade instantly and begins to pull it out slowly out of its sheath until the katana is completely exposed. I'm being ignored. My voice comes out urgent, desperate as my pulse fills with dread.

"Aya listen to me!" My fingers touch my watch instantly; it's a reflex, an unavoidable one. But using my weapon is the last thing I want to do right now, using it means force, violence…this isn't about that. I don't want to use it. Aya starts to run.

"Yohji don't!"

I embraced my lover instantly, ignoring his words and placing our foreheads together, giving my back to Aya as I do so. I'm not loosing him; I force him into a corner; the only way to him is thru me. I shut my eyes. He has to stop, he will stop, Aya is my family, he's the only family I've had in a long time…I trust him.

I feel nothing, then suddenly something pours over me like fire, and no matter what I do I can't stop it. I open my eyes slowly and gaze at my lover just to find pain flowing through his eyes and the tip of a blood soaked katana. He parts his lips gently and his body shakes; he gags, and a small drop of blood falls from the corner of his mouth.

_Why, Aya?_

The katana is pulled out and immediately Schuldig's body slumps forward, immense pain and sorrow flaring through his eyes. He holds on to me with all his strength and everything I have goes out to him, to keep him in my arms and to remain standing up.

_"Yohji…"_

_"Shh…don't talk. Keep your strength, Schu."_

_"Why Yohji?"_

_"Hush…"_

_"I love you."_

My legs finally give up too and I fall to my knees, still managing to keep my hold on my lover. I shift his head in my arms to look at him better and find his eyes closed.

"Schuldig…Schu…"

I lower him towards the floor slowly, placing his head softly against the concrete floor and placing my hand on his forehead. I close my eyes and take a deep breath; and for the first time since all this started; I'm crying.

I cover my mouth with my other hand to try and silence the sobs coming from my lips. I feel Aya besides me and listen to the sound of his katana being placed back in its sheath.

"Aya!"

I listen to the new voice now, alienated from it; the sobs refuse to stop. It can't be Ken, Schu said he wouldn't get up in an hour, must be Omi.

"Aya! What happened here, did you find…" There's a pause. "Yohji!"

_Why is he calling me? Why does he sound worried?_

"Yohji! You're bleeding! What happened, Aya?"

_Bleeding? Me? No…it's not me…Schu…Schu won't open his eyes when I call him. It hurts so much. Why is it hard to keep my eyes open? I feel something, something warm…here…_

I touch my side; just where I feel the warmth coming from; and stare at my blood soaked fingers; soaked with my own blood.

That's right…Aya.

Aya chose to run me through in order to get to Schuldig.

"We have to get to a hospital now!"

I slump forward and fall on top of my lover. My eyes are closing and my breath slows down, it's getting darker…and still the tears won't stop.

\----

Everything's a blur. Whatever I'm looking at; it looks like a room. A pasty colored, mildly depressing room. Hospital.

Little by little things start to come into focus and I see the roof, the bed, I glance to my right to find a lamp, the table its on and Omi starring at me.

"Good morning."

I glance away, not being capable to face him. I open my mouth and find my voice, dry and horse, but still there. "How long was I out?"

"Two days."

I'm afraid to ask; but do so anyway. "What happened?" I glance at him again, making sure to make eye contact and letting a rising anger flow out of my voice. "Why did Aya stab me?"

He blinks slowly, his eyes hold a secret, he sighs. "Aya, Ken and myself were told to watch out for other Esset assassins that were hanging around Schwarz's quarters. We were also told that three Schwarz members had left the country earlier that day."

"Give me the short version" I interrupt as I start to take wind on what's been really going on. He sighs again.

"We knew Schuldig was left behind and that Esset had sent spies and assassins near his location on what we believe were orders to kill him…and you."

"Why did Aya stab me? Why did Aya kill-"

Omi grabs my right hand and I hush. "Please understand our position Yohji; we didn't know why you had been meeting with the telepath, but we figured that it began when you started going out with such frequency. Kritiker believed you were planning on betraying us, that you were selling us out to Esset."

"I would never…" He lets go of my hand and signals me to be quiet, so I do.

"Let me finish," he orders. I nod. "Me and Aya refused to believe that, and that was the point of the mission. Not to kill Schwarz; but to see were your loyalties laid."

_Huh?_

I glared at him instantly, feeling very, very angry and hurt too. Hurt that they didn't trust me enough to confront me directly.

"You should have killed me too."

"I thought I told you to let me finish." He added. I let out a grunt, still pissed at them all. "That new watch I gave you contains a small microphone. Aya and I heard everything you talked about."

The heat crept up my face instantly and I suddenly wanted to vanish from existence. "Everything?" I asked awkwardly.

He smirked. "I have to admit we weren't expecting that." He said with a touch of humor to his voice, one that suddenly turned serious. "Do you really love him? Do you really love Schuldig?"

The question catches me by surprise and my chest tightens at the mention of his name. _Schu…_

The mention of him causes it. Causes me to remember everything about that night. I have the sudden urge to dig my head into my pillow as I try to avoid the tears that promise to come any second now. Everything comes back to me, all the pain, blood and fear. But also the love…

"I love you."

I took a deep breath and tried unsuccessfully to keep the hurt out of my voice. "You didn't have to...Why did Aya…" Then the hurt was replaced by anger and frustration, a boiling anger that rose until it was all I could feel. I sat up in a flash, ignoring all the pain; directing all that anger at Omi and saying a silent prayer thankful that Aya was not the target of that anger. "Why did you kill him? To spite me? Why? You didn't have to kill him!"

Angry tears pour out of my eyes and I am unable to stop them. Omi is suddenly there, holding my wrists, trying to calm me down.

"Yohji!" He's almost screaming, digging the words into me, but I don't want to listen, they took him away from me. He's very persistent. "Our orders weren't to kill Schuldig but to take him in!"

I stop. Repeating his words over and over in my head. Take him in…

Something tells me to turn around and I do so.

Schuldig lies in the bed just a few feet beside mine. Instant relief pours over me, relief combined with a type of joy I've never felt before. I immediately throw my feet to the side of the bed and stand up, removing the I.V from my arm in a painful pull. I stand up and the second I do so, me legs give out.

"Yohji! You're going to pull your stitches out!"

I cursed at myself and at my body for not being able to support me. I ignore everything and drag myself up, reaching my goal.

I stare. My hand ends up on top of his forehead and I swipe some of his hairs away. I lay my head on his chest; it's vital for me to hear his heartbeat right now, I need to feel his chest rising up and down for every single breath he takes.

"I'm sorry, Yohji"

I raise my head slowly and turn to look at Omi, who stands by the end of Schuldig's bed. "Why?" I ask, sensing something in his voice.

He takes a deep breath and I try to ready myself for what's coming. "In order to get rid of Esset, we had to make sure they believed you and Schuldig didn't pose a threat to them, and in order of Esset's usual ways to get rid of threats, that meant killing the both of you." He stopped and I glanced at him waiting for him to continue.

"You're dead again, Yohji."

"What?"

His face forms into what could be consider a smile. "You even had a funeral and everything." I gave him a confused look.

"Funeral?"

"Yes…small, family only, secret; I didn't know Manx could cry on queue. Also; our spy inside Esset has informed us that Schuldig's 'death' has been officially declared too. They won't be coming after you anytime soon."

Pure relief fills me. I feel like laughing; we are dead; this is wonderful. I grab Schuldig's hand and place a soft kiss on it. Thank you…

Omi touches my shoulder, making me look at him. The look on his face drains every sip of joy inside me. He speaks slowly, emphasizing every word. "Aya avoided every single major organ when he ran his katana through you both. But…"

He pauses and it's killing me…just tell me. "But what?"

"He's in a coma, Yohji."

Schuldig was fine; physically at least. He just wouldn't wake up. The worst thing is, we don't know what's wrong. It's been three days since that night; barely twenty-four hours since I woke up. I finally got the green light from the doctor to step out of bed and sit by Schuldig's side two hours ago. That's where I've been ever since, which means I haven't slept in twenty-four hours.

They've raised theory's that the reason Schuldig's not waking up has something to do with his telepathy. Even though his vitals and brain waves are fine. That, for some reason he shut down his mind. That's the theory…and in some way I know that it's true. I was there. I remember how it felt…and that explains why I didn't feel any pain when Aya's katana ran through me. He took it all, took it all into himself, took it all for me.

And now he's not waking up. I hold his right hand between mine, twirling my thumb slowly over his fingers. Hoping…praying.

A door opens and I look over towards it; it's Ken. Kritiker has ordered us; well, me; to stay inside this structure. I'm under an official house arrest. Which is fine by me; I wouldn't leave Schu's side either way.

"How's he doing?" Ken asks softly.

"The same" I answer back earnestly. Ken was also kept in the dark on the real objective for that night's mission. They wanted to test my reaction under the scrutiny of one of my teammates. That meant Ken was kept in the dark so his reaction would be natural; he wasn't very happy about that. Aya received a good old punch in the face when he told Ken about it. Fine by me…when I saw Aya with a black eye I told him that he was lucky he didn't have two black eyes. But he just grunted and ignored me. It's good to have the same old Aya back.

Ken slumped against the opposite wall and shut his eyes. I glanced at him as a soft smile formed on my face. "You're still weird out by all this aren't you?"

"Yep" he replied quickly, and I let out a laugh. He sighs and I can feel his indecision. "Come out with it Ken" I push.

"We have a mission tonight"

"Let me guess…I'm not counted in it am I?" I ask, surely of the answer.

"No…not for a while" he answered. "At least not until Esset is gone; we can't run the risk of them seeing you when they're still active."

Point taken. "I understand; anything else?"

He gave a step forward, detaching his back from the wall. "You should get some sleep Yohji; it's not healthy."

"He's like this because of me…I want to be here when he wakes up." Ken opened his mouth and I give him a look to show that I'm serious; he closes it nodding slightly then leaving the room.

I turn my head towards my lover. _Please Schu…can you hear me? Please open your eyes._

Ken's right I should get some sleep, I'm exhausted. I rest my head on my lover's chest and close my eyes letting the comforting darkness known as sleep take over me.

_"Yohji…"_

_"What?"_

_"Yohji…"_

_"Schu? Schuldig is that you? Where are you? Why won't you wake up?"_

_"I need your help, Yohji"_

_"Tell me, tell me what to do, I'll do anything!"_

_"It could be bad, Yohji. It will hurt."_

_"I don't care! I just want you to open your eyes!"_

_"Then you should have fallen asleep sooner."_

My eyes snap open and I stand up instantly. My head full of knowledge on what I had to do. I go to the door and lock it, no interruptions whatsoever. I walk the few steps back to Schuldig, sitting down on the bed then sprawling myself on it. I lay on my side, beside my lover as I grabbed his hand and held it. I grappled his body, turning him on his side so we were facing each other. I stared at his closed eyes and his expressionless face for a long second before joining our foreheads together. Then I do what he told me to.

I think of him, only of him. I linked us together. Our minds, our bodies, I give myself out to him.

I feel a small prick at my side and suddenly it's that night all over again. A psychic flashback.

I see myself going for my watch, then hesitating, then choosing to protect Schuldig with my own body instead of fighting Aya. Then it happens again, but this time, when Aya's katana pierces me, I feel it all.

I scream.

I knew that in order to wake up Schuldig I had to relive that moment; I just never though it would hurt this much. This is what he chose to take for me, all this pain. Now it's my turn to take it for him.

When Aya pulls out the katana, I scream again. Somewhere distant I hear yells, orders and a frantic knock on a door; but right now they don't matter.

I fall on my knees again and hold my lover's head once more, I remember not seeing his eyes. But not this time, this time pools of emerald return my gaze.

"Hello kitten…"

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep…_

I slammed my hand forward, successfully killing the clock by my bed. I hate morning shifts…

_Don't we all?_

A body stirs beside me and I turn to loom over Schuldig who was smirking at me. I frown.

"It's your fault I'm tired, you kept me up all night."

"Yeah…well, I didn't hear you complaining." He said with a touch of humor to his voice.

I grunt, sitting up and throwing my legs over the bed, towards the floor. He sits up too, wrapping his arms around my bare waist. He presses his chest against my back and kisses the spot between my neck and shoulder.

Life's good. Yeah…we hid and we lied and we had to be pierced by a blade in order to be free. I should know, I have the scar to prove it; one that matches his own scar every time we make love.

It's still weird for them; Aya, Ken and Omi; living under the same roof as an ex-Schwarz member. Sometimes Ken still jumps at the sound of his voice. A habit that usually leaves Schuldig laughing his ass off. They'll eventually get use to his presence; but I don't think they'll ever get used to the fact that he's my lover. Especially the noises; I'm thinking of giving them all earplugs for Christmas.

Working on the flower shop has become a full time job, now that I can't join the rest on my team on missions. At least not until Esset disappears. This is fine by me; that means every time Aya, Ken and Omi are out on a mission Schuldig and I have the house all to ourselves.

And right now…I wouldn't have it any other way.

~fin~


End file.
